Hello @BlueBay
and other members visiting this thread
The reason for not having received a notification may be to do with the way that I copy forum addresses to my word processor when preparing responses and then copy and paste the whole lot back into the response, that I am preparing in the reply box. Thank you so much for letting me know of the issue. I will bring up primary forum addresses, to give you and others the alerts, as I wish, by using the @ symbol in the reply box, or variations, in future. I just keep learning!!!!!
I am very pleased that you are establishing support mechanisms with your providers – GP & psych. Those structures, I believe, are important to relieve you of the pressure of worrying about “what might happen if something goes wrong”. Having that safety net serves two purposes,
Relieve you of pressure which is actually going to make it less likely that anything will go wrong.
Allows you to feel that people around you are caring for you. That is not to take responsibility away from you, but simply to give you the feeling and awareness of safety and support.
I really like the way that you have described your discussions with your GP. This one, I think, is a beauty;
“I said to him "yeah i am unstable in making decisions and being so self critical" - to which he agreed.”
Did he say that with something of wry smile, as he acknowledged your own self-awareness.
Yes I do very much identify with your thoughts with regard to;
“I know he said he loves it, - but my mind keeps saying to me 'what if he is just saying that, what if he is just been polite and doesn't like it".
I obviously won't know your feelings and thoughts until, or if you let me know, but my response to that question, when I ask it of myself, about my own actions or offered gifts is;
When a gift is given, it no longer belongs to me. As a result, my gift to someone, or anyone else, now belongs to them. Therefore; if I have given it unconditionally, they are free to do with it as they wish. The gift may be considered more in terms of the intention, than in the physical object that is given.
So, irrespective of the object (in this case your painting), the person who is receiving the gift is honouring your intention when they acknowledge and express appreciation for the gift that you have given, and with which your intention is conveyed. The object by which the intention is exchanged, carried or conveyed, may remain in the possession of the receiver (the doctor), or a staff member who sees it and expresses admiration, or, if he takes it home, it may become a treasured possession of one of his children. In this way, if we release it and let it go, the object offered may have pleasing and beneficial effects far beyond what you or I might ever imagine. Yet the intention with which you offered the gift stays with the recipient; in your scenario, the doctor. And his expression of acknowledgement and appreciation stays with you, the one who offered the gift.
The doctor sounds to me as though he is not only honouring your intention, but also encouraging you to continue working in the area of your “skill set”.
Needless to say, I am very pleased that you have resolved the issue of
“making someone else angry or upset”
and you have discussed the type of thinking that leads to those “distortions of thought' which may otherwise be referred to as “cognitive distortions”, another term which you may hear used. This is an area of social interaction with which I still have difficulty, hence my awareness of the terminology.
The sentence;
“I assured him that at the moment I am okay in that regard but if at any stage I was in a crisis I would see him or call him and ask him for help.”
is another part of the safety net structure that I am pleased to know that you have established with your doctor.
Again it takes away some of that worry about “What if …...” The safety plan that you are preparing with your psych is a further extension of that safety net. It is my hope that while the safety net is there, "in case...", that you never need to use it. And the very fact that you feel safe may be a large contributing factor in your progress to a better place, and because you feel safe, you are actually less likely to need to use it. But it is there in case.....
I can certainly understand the mental energy that you have used and the energy that has passed through your body today that would cause you to feel tired.
Your worry about a slide or a crash is realistic and, I believe, something that you will remain aware of and you will know the signs, so that you can ask for help from your family, the people like your husband and your daughter, your care providers, being your doctor and psych and here on the forum, probably in that order. But remember, that is what the safety plan is for. If required, work through the steps that you have outlined with your doctor and psych, and you will be ok. That is what it is there for. And, it is my hope, that the fact that the safety plan exists will be a reason that it may never be required. But do not be afraid to use it if necessary. I am also very pleased that you have your immediate family involved in the care plan process.
@BlueBay I do believe that you can always be assured of support from the members of the forum to whatever extent that we can offer you support in this format. I am so pleased to hear of the activity that has occurred for you and by you.
I hope that you have a peaceful and restful sleep.
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
