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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay 💜💜

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi everyone

@Snowie @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Anastasia @HenryX @Sophia1 and others ive missed

surgery done at 8am this morning

woke up from anaesthetic ok

in my own room

in pain

have been given strong pain

leaving tomorrow when hubby finishes work at 2.30.
hospital happy for me to stay

seeing surgeon early tomorrow morning

the spot is above my belly button and about 15cm wide. With steri strips over stitches

I'm really tired

just wanted to check in

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks for the update @BlueBay

I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight.

Take care of you 💕💕

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hello @BlueBay

Great to know, from your post, that you seem to feel happy, relieved and as relaxed as you can be, following the op. You have a plan for today and tomorrow. Appreciate your wish to let forum members know how you are going.

Best Wishes for a sound sleep tonight and positive report from the surgeon tomorrow morning.

With Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hello @BlueBay

Sorry you're in pain but happy they can keep you. You're in good hands sweetheart. Rest and let your mind and body recover. Surgery takes a lot out of you. Hugs and love ❤️

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks for the update @BlueBay and very happy to hear its all done and you appear to be recovering okay at this early stage. The after effects of gen anaesthetic should ensure you sleep pretty well tonight, especially with added assistance from pain meds. Rest up while you can. I look forward to catching up again once you are home.

Emelia 💐

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Ohh sending you lots of tender hugs my sister xoxo @BlueBay

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi there everyone.
*** TW potentially!!Warning Rant ahead so feel free to ignore if you like!


I'm having a very bad time right now with my stupid father who I let back into my stupid life a few weeks ago decide that he's now not going to help me in any way shape or form with getting my car repaired or even loaning me money like he said he would for a new used car since mine is wrecked mechanically. He's an alcoholic who now works part time ( his old boss felt sorry for him since he did a poor me act and said he was lonely since he's lost all of his friends due to his alcoholism and his poor behaviours) . A few weeks ago, he decided to make contact with me again because he said he was lonely and that Covid-19 restrictions here in Melbourne were very hard on him and he wanted to reacquaint himself with me and try and be a better father after being absent for over 4 years after he chose to end the relationship because he couldn't handle my mental illnesses. I couldn't stand his alcoholic behaviours as he always used to call me when he was drunk and lonely and then start arguing with me. Anyway, over the past few weeks, I tried to think he had changed as he offered to help me out with my car situation. Stupid stupid me believed he actually cared and wanted to try again and be a half decent human being and a half decent father but tonight I was way wrong in a big major way as he let me down once again! He said my car was only worthy of the tip; I wasn't worth spending money on and that I was useless and worthless and that he didn't care about me because I was a waste of space - all because my car wasn't clean! I had planned before he came back on the scene to get rid of it as I thought the car was a waste of time getting repaired but he wouldn't listen to me, instead promising me that he'd do the right father thing by me and get it looked over by his mechanic which I stupidly silly believed!
What an idiot am I for being such a stupid person to believe an alcoholic? He hasn't changed and never ever will yet I naively believed a leopard could change its spots and he'd be different this time. I'm such an idiot and I hate myself for this! I've had thoughts of wanting to harm myself tonight over this incident as now I have to try and beg someone to give me a car loan on Centrelink DSP payments which means if they do, I'll be paying very high and outrageous interest rates which I have no option but to do all because I'm on stupid Centrelink and all because of mental illnesses which I never ever asked for or even wanted! I swear my Mental illnesses are caused by my father who abused me as a child in so many non sexual ways it's not funny. If I could get him charged with psychological abuse and physical abuse to back when I was a little girl growing up, I definitely would as he deserves all the pain he put me through plus more! My psychologist has been notified of me feeling suicidal by email as I did this but I've told him I won't be calling psych triage as they are useless, won't believe me because of my BPD diagnosis and say that my family is dysfunctional and they can't do anything about it. I wish I could just go and be with my Mum who died 19 years ago due to cancer. I really miss my mum and still believe that it should've been my stupid father who died instead of her. My mum was a good decent person who had her issues but she at least listened and stood up for me against him. She was like one of my best friends and I still do things that she used to love doing like knitting and crochet now which I love and these things always remind me of her. Even my sister thinks I'm a waste of space who has wasted her Arts degree because I couldn't use it as a job because of my chronic mental illnesses. I swear she would prefer if I died as I wouldn't be around to get attention and that means in the form of an old male family friend who has contacted me a few years ago and whom I'm still in regular contact with. What I wouldn't do to bd with him (male friend) right now who knows what my sister and father are like!

Time for me to shut down as I'm over this whole stupid thing. Thanks for all the support and for reading this if anyone has.

Judi9877😡😢

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry @Judi9877

You certainly do not deserve any of that treatment ever. I can hear how upset and exhausted you are and rightfully so.

I am concerned for you Judi, can you tell me are you safe?

I understand at times when things get overwhelming our mind wanders but I wonder if anysupports could help you feel more grounded under these circumstances? You are amazing when it comes to using your supports. I have so much admiration for you Judi.

Holding your hand sweetheart ❤️

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Oh @Judi9877 You are definitely not stupid and DEFINITELY worth more than you have been treated like by both your father and sister. Everyday we see here what a beautiful, caring and thoughtful soul you are and in my books that means way more than any degree, job or place in life. As for your father - his loss. You may feel like this is your fault for letting him back in HOn but it really isn't - that is all on him. You stay true to yourself and do not let his behaviour, attitude and issues hurt you any longer. You are worthy of way more than that. Hold on tonight, let the pain of this all pass and then look at it all again with fresh eyes. Here with you and for you my Lions buddy

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