Hello @BlueBay
{Long post ~780words}
I am very concerned for you and have offered this post in the hope that it may, in some ways be of assistance to you. I have reflected some of the feelings about which you have spoken. That is not criticism, but rather a way of saying that those feelings are common among many other people experiencing the difficulties and issues with which you are presently dealing. While it is a fairly long post, I am hopeful that it may give you some re-assurance.
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Your situation is one with which I can sympathise and also understand and empathise. Sometimes the energy, both physically and mentally, seems to be inaccessible and, or unavailable. I hope that I did not cause you more stress with my previous post and comment. It seems that you are endeavouring to implement, in your day to day activities, each of the suggestions to which I referred. It is hard to convey in writing, on the forum, our specific experiences and effects of our MH issues. However, I can acknowledge that you appear to me to be doing the best that you can in the circumstances and with the resources that you have available to you. Consequently, I believe that the best that I, or most of us on the forum can do, with the acknowledgement that has already been offered, is to say that I/we support you as much as we can in this format.
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With your reminder, I do recall you having spoken about the loss of your job. From my previous experience working with clients as an employment and personnel officer, and my own personal experience of dealing with the loss of work, partly as a result of MH issues, I can say that I am aware of the effects. Expression of who we are in our family, with friends and in the community, through our work and all that “work” means to us, can be a very significant part of our lives. Consequently, medical and psychological advice and suggestions, that can seem like a barrier, can act like a nail in a tyre. It takes significant personal resources just to cope with that situation on its own. And yet there are often still other issues to be dealt with.
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In addition to my back issues {stenosis and 3 operations} and possibly because of them, I also experienced severe depression, for which I still take a relatively high dosage of medication. I can, therefore, relate to the feelings about which you have spoken. However, I had interpreted the description of your feelings and state of mind as more acute than chronic. Distinctions such as acute and chronic are often tainted by the way that they are used or abused in the wider community. My present concern, as identified by your GP and psychologist, is that your situation seems to be more persistent and experienced for a longer period of time, bringing it into the area described as “chronic”. These problems and issues are compounded by financial stress or, sometimes financial distress, which can, as you have stated, lead to feelings of guilt. Normally, such feelings are cognitive misinterpretations (or distortions) of our position in our thoughts, but such words often don't help us much in dealing with the feelings.
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While the suggestions offered by your GP and psychologist may be unpalatable, I am pleased to know that you are supported to the extent that they have done so far. You also seem, while not necessarily being happy with the suggestions, to respect their recommendations and feel that their assessments and recommendations are appropriate for you at the present time. The advice, such as that which they have offered and recommended, can sometimes be received with a feeling like having hit a brick wall, an almost impenetrable, insurmountable barrier and also contribute to those feelings of deflation. This can be expressed in the ways that you have described, as being and feeling of; low mood, not caring about life, what's the point?, it just seems too hard, feeling sick with constant headache, laying in bed in a state of lethargy, lack of motivation to even go for a walk. I can say, that one comment that you made, about which I definitely do not agree, is your statement that “I'm just lazy”. Most, if not all of the expressions, stated above, about feelings, are classic signs of depression, with which you appear to be dealing in the best ways that you can. It may seem simple, but going to the beach for example, is one thing that you mentioned. While it may seem relatively insignificant and it may not totally lift your feelings, it is appropriate action taken to ameliorate {with all due respect to @Emelia8 } some of the feelings that you are experiencing. In these ways, you are making the best attempts and putting in the effort, with such levels of energy to which you have access, to improve your position on a day by day basis.
It is important to recognise and acknowledge the worthwhile activities and exercises that you undertake, with respect to lifting your mood, improving your day, recovering lost ground and moving toward a better future.
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
