Need to vent

@BlueBay I was just about to message to see how you are. Very glad you're at doctors a I hope you get practical & emotional support. You're not alone

Any updates @BlueBay?

Hey @Sam3, I might respond to your question if that's ok as I'm now moderating on the forums this morning 😊

I can relate - sometimes I can be caught up with ruminating and how I'm feeling and procrastinate or not do the things that I know would help. It's not the most helpful thing 😅 I've realised that sometimes, though, this can be because I don't want to fully think about and process what's going on (say, by journalling), if it's particularly distressing stuff- because of course I don't want to engage with the full reality of distressing or overwhelming things!

In these cases I've learned its definitely better to get it over and done with, but it can help to have some kind of nice thing to help get started- comforting words from a loved one, a nice candle, a snack, a heater if it's cold, some deep, grounding breaths, etc. - and maybe asking for support from someone else on the other side, knowing that'll be there.

What's happening for you might be similar or totally different - have you thought about why you might not do the things you know would help? A first step could be thinking about what's getting in the way for you. And then, if there's anything that could make that easier? 💞

Hi @Former-Member @Sam3 @Anastasia @Snow @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @MDT @oceangirl

i saw my GP snd told him straightaway - I'm not coping. Told him everything - my anxious mind over no money; my guilt if not working; my loneliness and my sleeping in afternoon dsily snd feeling exhausted.
he is doing a test for anemia. I am stopping my night med as this could be causing tiredness. He talked about doing different things that will make me happy and smile. He knows that during the week it's tough as friends are working snd I can't see them. He wants to see me next week to touch base.

im ok for now. I tend to swing from ok to crisis (in my head). My GP thinks I'm sleeping to not feel alone. Maybe??

anyway ive got some hair colour that I will do. I csnt afford hairdresser to colour it. It's too expensive.

@Former-Member @Sam3 @Anastasia @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl

I just did two things thst I don't know why but it's done.

I sent a msg to a friend who I used to work with that lost her husband a month ago. We are catching up next week for coffee.

I also msg my friend that I worked with and got sacked. In the two months since I've been hime she never contacted me. So tiday after talking to my GP I sent her a text. She told me she loves having me as her best friend. And that she'll catch up with me next week.

two things I thought I couldn't do I've now done.

but - I wonder to myself why is it that I have to initiate the contact especially the second friend. I get angry that it's always me.

@BlueBay you're doing so well with seeing GP & connecting with friends .... and I agree - it shouldn't always be you doing the initial contact. Hope you're happy with your hair.

@BlueBay that's amazing you were completely honest with your GP- I know that can be really hard to be so vulnerable and open. And reaching out to 2 friends when you didn't think you could? 👏🏼Amazing achievements for the day! Maybe you can do something nice to reward yourself after that?

And yes, agree that it shouldn't always be one friend initiating everything. I wonder if they'd be open to a conversation around that (if you haven't had one already)?

It's really hard @Former-Member all my life I've been the one to initiate catch ups with friends. Even with my family it was always me to organise family lunches, Easter it christmas. Always me. Znd do you know what - I'm tired of doing that. I feel used, unloved and it really hurts. It was always "oh let me organise the gamt get togethers. Now since my my childhood abuse came out the family has split. I blame myself.
todays msg to friend thst I worked with - I was angry and I think it's because she's still got a job and I got sacked. Sacked for been sick. I'm still angry and can't let that go. Don't know how.
I was a good worker a friendly worker. But yet I got sacked.
I feel terribly sad lonely and angry I've lost something.