Need to vent

What a day @BlueBay ....

Earthquake, COVID, protests.... what next!?

I was working this morning, and the child I was with freaked out when he felt the earthquake. He was shaking all over. Poor kid.

As for your family... you've definitely passed on the soft-heart. That speaks multitudes in itself 🙂 You must be such a proud Mumma and Nonna!

And about dreams...I don't look into dreams much, but there is one dream I often have - my teeth falling out! I've looked it up and supposedly it has a meaning, but I can't remember what it is. LOL.

Anyway, let's wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Hi my sister @BlueBay

Glad your appointment has been bought forward for tomorrow.Let me how it goes? Talk to you soon!!

working out what i want in life is SO DAMN HARD!!!

life in general

work life

home life

being a wife, mum and daughter and grandmother

being a friend

i don't know where to begin. communication is hard, life is general is hard. so much stress. financial stress is freaking me out. life is freaking me out.

i really don't know what to do;

i just don't know anymore

soimetimes it's easier to just run ..........

@oceangirl @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Snowie @Snowie @Shaz51

@BlueBay ,

I think it's totally okay not to know for now. Give yourself a break.

I often have times when in just don't know. It's frustrating, but I find the frustration makes it worse. Give it some time and perhaps something will shift to make your path ahead clearer.

I'm with you @BlueBay ,

BPDSurvivor

yeah the session was okay @MDT

she gave me lots of ideas on communicating better with hubby.

but i am feeling pretty down.

@BPDSurvivor i need your help. Reg. communicating with hubby. I have lost my DBT book and need advice.

i have to go now and organise dinner, but i will be back either tonight or tomorrow.

i need your advice pls. 🙂

@BlueBay

Sorry to hear you're struggling. One step at a time.

Hi @BlueBay ,

Im here.

in terms of communication, I have found that when you've been living with someone for a long time, you EXPECT them to know and understand your thoughts and expectations - I know I do this and that's why I struggle so much communicating with people who are close to me but can do an amazing job communicating with acquaintances.

I am known to have exceptional interpersonal skills (when I work with people). Unfortunately, they don't see my weaknesses when communicating to my family. I get frustrated and angry that they 'don't understand'. Yet I need to step back - I didn't tell them anything, how can I expect them to know? They are NOT mind readers.

This is what I've concluded. I need to learn to communicate as clearly to family as I do with work colleagues. That is, with the intention to communicate a message, clarify meaning, ask questions (so you don't jump to conclusions).

Communication is such a huge topic. I could go on for ever. It was a key component in my MBT sessions. That is, to mentalise and practice curiosity; to think about how we and others think which in turn informs behaviour (our actions). That's why I think group therapy was so beneficial for me. It made me communicate even when I didn't know how.

Speak soon,

BPDSurvivor

omg @BPDSurvivor I can relate to what you wrote so much. I have been married for 35 years, you would think hubby should know me by now. But our communication has never been great and i have noticed especially the last 11 years when all my trauma and mental illness came out.

He doesn't know what to say or do. He tries to help but in my mind it's done wrong. He might say something but again in my mind he's saying the wrong thing to which then i get frustrated, agry and annoyed and then stay angry for a long time.

Yesterday after my psych session I was supposed to go home, and when hubby came home make a coffee and chat. i was going to tell him how i feel about our intimacy and how i would love a hug or even him asking me 'how was your day'. but then again i need to start saying the same thing back to him. It's two ways right??
so we went down the beach for a coffee and we talked about his day and i told him about my psych and how fantastic she is. we got to the 'hard topic' and i just couldn't speak. so i let it go. we then got home and were alone again so i tried to say 'oh my psych wanted to put me on some other meds for my libido' - he didn't say anything. now that's where i could/should have said something like 'do you understand what i'm saying' or something like that - but i didn't.

i was too scared, emotional to continue.

my psych did say take it slow, and do it on your terms when you feel right to talk. but i couldn't.

now i feel crap because i thought gee why couldn't i just talk, open my mouth and chat.

it's a really hard topic for me to bring up; is it because of my past childhood abuse.

@BPDSurvivor do you have suggestions/offer/advice on how better to start the communication rolling. hubby never ever continues a conversation, he will answer and that's it. where i will continue.

Reg. intimacy - i have never ever instigated intimacy. oh gosh i feel so bad. stop. i have stop these thoughts in my head about how horrible i am. i blame myself so much. i hate my body, myself. i have no self love. Could that be the reason. i feel so guilty. i feel i am weird, crazy. gosh i need to go i can't stopo crying. i will come back after.

i bought some dried lavender and chammomile flowers to fill up my bags. I am now sewing them up closed and my needle broke. Got it out but now can't put a new one in. For some reason it won't go in.

now i feel shit!!! i think in my head 'everytime i try to do something; something crap happens.

i don't know what to do.

i now feel like throwing everything out.

ok, i think i need a coffee and some lunch. then i will try again. if i can't do it then i am really stuck.

so much for trying to sew andn sell stuff.

nothing ever works 😞