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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thank you all for your support @Former-Member @Emelia8 @Snowie @MDT @oceangirl @Shaz51

i think I'll try again tonight to chat to a counsellor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hugs my sister xoxo @BlueBay ❤❤❤

Hello @Former-Member , going to send you a message myself xx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

i hope you can @BlueBay if that is something you want/need atm

Good for you. Stay strong. We're always here to support you

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @BlueBay

Hugs to you my sister

We are here to support you

Hope tomorrow is better for you

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Morning BB @BlueBay

Hope today is better for you my sister

Take it easy hon

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Good morning @BlueBay @oceangirl

Wishing you a great day today

💗💗

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay ,

Yes, you certainly deserve care and love.

You are NOT a burden to us.

I know that underneath all the turmoil, there is an amazing person there who is waiting to be found. I recognise that and want to help you find that person.

It wasn't that long ago that I was also waiting and wanting to be found. If I didn't have people in my life who saw there was hope in me, I wouldn't be here this day.

I'm with you in this @BlueBay .

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

thanks so much to everyone that has supported me over the past few days of turmoil in my head

@BPDSurvivor @Snowie @oceangirl @MDT @Shaz51 @Emelia8

today i am okay, been home most of the day. too cold and windy to go anywhere.

i am speaking to my psychologist tomorrow morning and will mention to her how my week was last week

i don't see myself as a good person, i don't know where it comes from (maybe the abuse) not really sure.

i feel like i don't deserve good in my life or happiness but really i am just like a normal good person who cares so much about others

i do feel terrible about not seeing @Owlunar around. i think i blame myself for that because of what i wrote. But i did my best in apologising to her and asked if she didn't want me to tag her anymore to let me know. And if you are reading this @Owlunar , again i am sorry if what i wrote offended you.

Sometimes i do write things that are maybe the right, or correct. Or even make others frustrated with me. If i have pls let me know and i will stay away. i sometimes feel that i am a burden on here, but all i want to do is try to support others as best i can. and when i am not doing well to be able to write it on here without fear of being 'in trouble' or 'being told off' or 'being judged'. I know a lot of this is BPD behavoiur which i am still working on, slowly but surely.

i am not sure if what i wrote makes any sense, i put my fingers to the keyboard and just write.

anyway maybe i should just go now. i don't know what else to say or do anymore.

i feel very lost, isolated and lonely

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay You're welcome my sister.

Your feelings could be from a combination of things, but certainly a history of child abuse would be underlying cause (major contributor) and also having depression can be too. And also our underlying beliefs (core) and self acceptance - these are formed from our experiences.I am here to support you without judgement. One step at a time and do the things that are important to you sweetheart. I can so relate to how you feel too. I just want to see you at peace and feeling comfortable and supported.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

My dear @BlueBay ,

I resonate with much of what you have posted. I care very much for people too - and animals, and the earth. If I care, I care very deeply. Adding to that, I also find it hard to see myself as a "good" person, or someone good to hang around with. I have trouble accepting it, even though the evidence supports it.

Now, when I feel like a "bad" person, instead of thinking about all the evidence why I am so 'bad', I've been working on focusing on the evidence that supports the contrary - that is, "If I'm so bad, why do people constantly want to stay in touch and invite me to catch up?" and "If I'm so bad, why would I get so many thank you cards?"

So even though I don't feel I have any goodness in me, I must be doing something right for people to want to hang out with me.

Hope this makes sense @BlueBay .

BPDSurvivor

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