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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @BlueBay sorry hear this
i am feeling rank today too my friend
take care of yourself
but you are deserving and you deserve to be here!

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Sorry to bother you all with my crap @Snowie @pamplemousse @MDT

i sat on my bed and cried, closed my eyes and kept crying

i ended up going for a very long walk down to the beach, grabbed a coffee and sat at the beach

peaceful, calm and serene

home now and i am flat but safe

i think all the guilt from not working, not contributing to the finances at home - is really getting to me

thoughts of letting my hubby and kids down because of this

thoughts of self harm was on my mind

just made dinner - spicy red lentil and barley soup

think i will now just rest for the afternoon

thank you all for your support this morning. i am sorry

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

You are a bit like me @BlueBay
Tough on yourself

I feel guilty for not having moved out and having been at home. I feel guilty for wasting time. I feel guilty for many reasons.

I think in the end we have to get to a point where the guilt is too much and we have to come up with a response to it. I firmly believe that it gets to a point where we say enough is enough and we take a stand and no longer feel bad.

Idk my friend. Idk what the answer is. I just know what the answer is not

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

No need to be sorry @BlueBay

It is not crap hon, it is important to you and therefore important to us.

I hope the walk, beach and coffee helped.

Hopefully you can have a rest this afternoon.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Sometimes our thoughts just get too much don't they @BlueBay. I'm sorry you're struggling. Can I just say I think you are pretty amazing taking yourself out for a walk and cuppa and COOKING SOUP, go you!!!!

I think you're a hard critic BB, go gently with yourself sweetheart 💞

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

how are you atm @BlueBay ?

I am feeling pretty bad so I'm sitting with you my friend

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hello and sending hugs my @BlueBay

sitting with you , how are you at the moment xx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Shaz51 @MDT @Anastasia @Snowie

I've been resting and I'm ok.
hopefully the high intensity of emotions has now come down and it will stay down.
how are you now @MDT

Love you all my friends xxxxx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi my friend @BlueBay ,

Im sorry to hear things were a bit average today, but I'm glad you were able to have some rest.

Im relation to your needy 'friend', and your tendency to care/feel for others, I think you've done the right thing in being able to reflect on and realise the relationship would not be sustainable. Hence your decision to step back it totally understood. You are a friend, not her psychologist/therapist.

At work, as a mentor, part of our training is to understand our role, and stay within those boundaries. If someone has needs beyond your scope, our role is have a conversation to explain what we ARE (friend, occasional hang out partner), and what we ARE NOT (therapist, pdoc). Without just leaving it at that, it is good to suggest services or people they can connect with.

Hopefully this will help with relationship-building. I know for a fact that relationships are hard for people with BPD. I know for a fact that when someone "annoyed" me, I'd never contact them again and "ghost" them. Ghosting people and isolating myself protected me, but it didn't give me a chance to grow as a person.

Over the years, I've learnt that I need have relationships with people in order to learn the not-so-natural-for-a-borderline social skills and to build healthy relationships.

@BlueBay , it's a LONG process. I've got a long way to go.

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks @BPDSurvivor

I think for now I will leave it. I really don't want a repeat of last weeks 2 hour chat !!!!

sunny here this morning I'm trying to tell myself I go for a walk

I need to. I will feel better afterwards

hi 👋 @Shaz51 @MDT @Anastasia @Snowie how is everyone this morning

@Emelia8

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