Need to vent

Last night i went to bed before hubby and i started to cry. Lately i am having teary times thinking about my parents when they die. I know it's not a rational thing to do; but lately i cry whenever i think about my dad and when he dies. It's really affecting me; i try to bring myself back to the present. I did end up falling to sleep but woke up this morning with the same thought.

Am I strange, do others do this?? I am not sure.

And lockdown is making things a whole lot worse, it's been about 4 months if not more that i have seen my parents.

i hate this lockdown more than the others; i feel restricted so much. i do talk to my parents but its not the same.

i am not having a good morning 😞

@Emelia8 @Snowie @Shaz51 @oceangirl @MDT and others reading along -

@BlueBay It is so difficult to think about things like this, and those types of thoughts are made all the worse by not being able to see your parents as much as you would like to. 4 months is a long time to not see them, it is understandable that you would find it distressing.

Bringing yourself back to the present and trying to refocus sounds like a really good approach to bring you out of those thought patterns.

I'm trying @pamplemousse but it's so difficult when those thoughts are so strong.

As my parents are in their 80's now I keep wondering - how long do they have? who will go first? how will i cope especially if my dad goes first. i know i will be a real mess. i need to stop these thoughts. i feel so stupid in even thinking about it. i feel weird, out of sorts and not normal.

Hey @BlueBay 💙I don't think that what you're thinking is unusual or irrational. My parents aren't yet in their '80s, but I occasionally have thoughts about their passing too, and how particularly distressing it would be when my mum passes. I think its only natural that, they older they get, the more we might think about their passing as an inevitably approaching reality.

If you anticipate that their passing would be deeply distressing and that you would struggle to cope, maybe it's not such a bad idea to spend a bit of time to consider a plan of sorts of what you might need to cope as best as possible for when the time comes. To feel at least a bit prepared could be helpful 🌻

I do understand how you wouldn't want these thoughts to consume you, though. Especially as we might not have a great idea as to how long people can live! For instance, some of my grandparents are still alive and I've been mindful for about the last 10 years that each time I see them could've been the last- but they've seriously surprised me with how long they've continued to live. So on reflection, I really could've used that time to be more engaged in the present while they're still there, and not have spent so much thought worried about an uncertain future.

Maybe something like journalling could help with getting these thoughts out of your head? I at least find that helpful when I'm thinking about something more than I might like 😊

Also- please correct me if I'm wrong, but the fact that you're having these thoughts at all sounds to me like you have a strong connection with your parents. If so, I'm glad that you have such valuable relationships in your life. I do believe that love and relationships are the greatest part of life. So of course it's upsetting to anticipate the loss of loved ones as they age- and I'd say to feel this way is natural and very human 💗

thanks @Former-Member i appreciate your reply and honesty in your situation. Thank you xxxooo

I didnt have a close relationship with my parents for a while there. There is still a lot of unknown situations that happened to me as a child (child sexual abuse) that they don't know. I have a very strong, manipulative mother who i am close to but my dad is very much like me. Very sentimental, emotional, softy, loves his children and family so much. And I know I am like him. He keeps things to himself, very much an introvert like me. He is 84 and not well with heart failure. So i do wonder - what is he thinking as he gets older?

I do understand what you say about - thinking about it too much takes you away from the present and you're right - we can't predict or know when our parents will die.

I know that i will be a basket case when the time comes, so i know already that i will need a hospital admission to keep me safe.

And i think also this week is father's day - which i won't see him. i will call him and give him a present when lockdown is over.

I don't really think the Government really understands the HUGE impact this lockdown is having on our mental health. The uncertainty, the fear of not knowing what next will happen. Open, close, open close. We all can't keep living like this. We all need support, physical connection, not just over the phone or face time. It's just not the same.

OK, I will try really hard to stay present and when i do start to think of my parents i will think of the good times.

thanks again @Former-Member xxxoo

@BlueBay Definitely understand that relationships with parents and family can be complicated. I did get the sense that you felt particularly close to your dad - he sounds lovely. So it's a very understandable time, given separation caused by the pandemic, the heart condition and father's day being soon, to be thinking this way 💞

100%, I can't wait to be able to get back to face-to-face relationships again. I hope it won't be too long before you can see all your loved ones normally again 💐

Thanks @Former-Member 🙏xx

@BlueBay Its not easy to have those thoughts (parents) and I think it is brave of you to be so open and honest about your feelings and thoughts. You could try to plant another seed of what will happen, when your dad passes away- instead of you going into hospital, do something to honour your dad. Find strength in the love he had for you and surround yourself with others that care for you.

But know you can go to hospital if you need to, but you may not need to go. I don't think you would be alone in thinking like that, because I am scared of the same thing, and perhaps needing hospital too. I hope you can spend time with your Dad soon and make more memories together- take photos and get to know him more. Ask him where he might want to go to and see if you could do that together. And enjoy your time together.

I am feeling a bit depressed atm because my energy level is low and can't seem to do too much. And hoping this will improve soon. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry @oceangirl i just saw your reply to me.

thanks for your support. Always appreciate your care xxxooo

My feelings for people are strong. My empathy is strong. I feel sorry for people. I feel know I understand how hard it is fir some.
I get very emotional when people are sick, lose loved ones, jobs etc.

I hear a sad story on the news snd feel so deeply for them.
Can others relate? @oceangirl @Snowie @Shaz51
@BPDSurvivor is this a BPD trait? Also sorry I forgot to tag you in my post about my post above.