Need to vent

Hey @saltandpepper i know that we desperately need more money, we are at the moment living on very very little. it is the lowest we have ever been 😞

so i was desperate. yes working will definitely give us more money, not a huge amount but it will be comfortable. i can see that at least.

you're right though there is dread with anxiety and also desperate measures that my mind wants to do to stop going to wirk. it sounds crazy but this is my mind. i need to challenge it or put a positive to the negative.

its so damn hard, it really is.

how are you this morning my friend?

Doesn't sound crazy to me at all @BlueBay thats just how anxiety likes to roll. Sometimes fear is a good thing, keeps us safe, keeps us from getting into dangerous situations. But as you and I can probably both relate, living in the fight or flight mode kinda fu*ks with those sensors. We tend to perceive danger when their is none. Perhaps a little mental convo is in order. Acknowledging the fear, understanding it's your mind and body trying to keep you safe, but also being able to recognise that fear isn't necessary in this situation. Easier said than done. And I get it, the constant pep talks we give ourselves is exhausting. But we gotta do what we gotta do hey?

Hey @saltandpepper I emailed my psychiatrist and asked if the psychologist he recommended I see had any cancellations today.
Got a call before to say yes I can see this new guy at 2pm. But because I don't have a mental health plan she will ask my psych yo write an internal one got now. At least then Medicare will cover it.
I'm waiting on receptionist to call back to say yea my psych did the referral.

Excellent @BlueBay good on you for taking the initiative

hi @saltandpepper @Owlunar @Judi9877 @MDT @Zoe7 @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @TAB @BPDSurvivor and others reading

I went to see this new psychologist this afternoon. He's nice and has similarities to me. When I walked in he told me he had diverticulitis (he read my file snd referral from my psych) and as he told me a bit about his background I figured out he was abused as a child. He's European and told me he did suffer depression snd anxiety. But he says he used a lot of coping tools to which he will help me.
he asked a few questions and knew exactly how I was feeling. He said I looked calm but he said he'd bet thst I was shaking inside. He said at the moment I'm in constant fight flight mode. And he explained that childhood trauma is still "stuck" in my body.

and there's big connection eith gut and also diverticulitis.
he wants to see me weekly for a while. He gave me a breathing technique to do.
put one open hand on my chest snd the other hand on my belly button. Then take a baby breath snd count to 4 then release.
he said we have to start slow because he doesn't want to retraumatise me.
i will give this guy a go for a few weeks and see how I feel.
if I don't release this trauma I'll be stuck forever.
I told him I sm scared and started to cry. But he said just cry let it out. I felt better after the cry.

I'm really tired. Not sleeping properly still. I'm going to see if I can get an appt with my GP tomorrow.

Sounds good @BlueBay hope it all works sell for you 🙂

I hope it can work for you @BlueBay sounds tough

thinking of you my sister @BlueBay

Is anyone around

I'm panicking

@Shaz51 @MDT @saltandpepper @TAB