Need to vent

Thanks @BlueBay . I do too

Need to go to bed

not feeling well

BP still high

I don't feel good at sll

goidnight everyone @Eve7 @saltandpepper @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Owlunar @MDT

Hope you feel better in the morning @BlueBay

Huge congratulations on the new job @BlueBay

@BlueBay Did the doc give you pointers for lowering the bp? Do you take medication for it?

Hi @BlueBay

Just decided to pop in down here and saw that you have got a new job in pharmacy. I'm so excited and happy for you! Well done forumite! You deserve this after what you have been through. You are a great member of the forums and I think you'd do a great job in pharmacy.

As for the counselling suggestion, you'd be great at that too if you want to do a Tafe course part time as well.

The world is your oyster so go out and enjoy each and every wonderful opportunity it provides for you!

Judi9877

Hi @BlueBay

I hope you are feeling better today

It's fantastic news that you have landed a job - that is so great I am over the moon for you. I read this yesterday when I was in hospital and though how wonderful this is

And yes - getting anxious is not going to help at all. You can manage this. You will be okay. Self-sabotage is not at all good and it takes self-soothing at regular intervals to overcome this and I know you can -

Your blood pressure is going to rise with stress so that is something you need to manage. Stress is harder to deal with I know - we can accept what is happening in our lives and then stress can sort of lie in wait to scare us again. This can be managed too

I can assure you that the things we fret about are not likely to happen. And fretting doesn't help.

Ask yourself what the worst thing would be should it happen. Ask yourself what you can do about that. Measure and ask if it's likely

I can tell you I had a bad day yesterday. It was a series of events and no one was to blame. I didn't see it coming and didn't worry about it. Yes - I feel exhausted afterward but nothing I could have done would have prevented that series of events. Bad days just happen and we are not to blame. Usually no one is to blame

So take life gently - going to bed early was a good idea. And I am positive you will be okay

All the best

\Dec

thank you everyone for your well wishes and kind words @Owlunar @Judi9877 @saltandpepper @MDT @Zoe7 @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor

my anxiety is still high; i did manage to sleep until 5am but still feeling exhausted. I'm on another BP medication now which it has dropped it significantly.

@Judi9877 i thought a few years ago i would love to help primary school children with abuse - but i am too old to study. i wouldn't be able to concentrate. i had a bad experience a few years ago when i decided to study massage therapy. I left after 3 weeks because i couldn't remember things for tests and was verbally attacked by one of the teachers. i couldn't go back now.

@Owlunar My rational part of my brain gets it. i understand that once i am at work i will be okay. it's my other side, the emotional/negative part that is very strong at the moment. It is pulling me from all sides. And maybe part of me is holding onto this side, grabbing it. why? I am not really sure. I know i struggle with mistakes, failure. all these i know is only a learning thing; if i make a mistake at work i will learn the right way. but my head goes to 'if i make a mistake therefore i must be dumb, stupid, what's the point'

i am trying to let you all understand how my mind is working at the moment - and i know i need to challenge this a lot more.

i feel very anxious to the point that my mind is saying

'self sabotage' '

do something to stop going to work'

'just stay home'

and it feels that the closer i am getting to Tuesday next week the worse i am feeling. the panic in my body, last night and this morning my body was shaking internally (if that makes sense). it feels like i am desperate (for whatever that is??)

i know that this job i have worked there before. i know the staff except the owner/pharmacist. i will probably remember some of the customers. i know what jobs to do. so why aren't I excited, happy for myself to have got a job. most people are thrilled to get a job in these times. yet i feel nothing 😞

i am glad i am seeing a psychologist next week, i just wish it was today. actually i will email them again to see if there is any cancellations today or any chance of seeing him. i will explain my anxiety is high. can only try.

it is the worst thing to have to ask your child for money. i know i have asked before and i have felt sh**t before. it just makes me feel ashamed, embarrassed and not a good parent. i know you will all disagree - but this is how i feel this morning.

@Owlunar i will go and look at the self love post today.

not really sure this post makes sense, i hope it does. my mind is a bit scattered.

@TAB I've added you in here 🙂

Morning @BlueBay fear and anxiety tend to rob of us of joy. Have also experienced this, pretty much every time something big is happening that I could be excited or happy about, but instead just dread and anxiety. It eases up when things get underway.

I suppose one positive that jumps out is once you're working it will ease that guilt you're feeling about needing to lean on your kids for financial support. Is that something you can try to focus on as a way to feel good about the job?