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Friends & MI

Friends & MI

Hi All, i want to ask if anybody has had this problem & how they dealt with it? I have a friend i have known for many years, who always liked to take charge and tell me what and how to do things which i would just let go by me. When i first was in my acute phase of depression and she visited, she just wanted to tell me to get over it and she began tidying up and telling me how to do that as well. When she rings and i dont answer the phones, she keeps ringing leaving messages.I was very hurt about some things she said when i was ill. I have tried to talk about whats happenning but i cant talk to her about this, as i have tried to and i dont feel heard. i asked if she wants to visit, can she ring me to arrange a time, but she doesnt and will bring her daughter as well. i am battling Hoarding Disorder, OCD with the Clin Dep and i dont want my space invaded at this time. i feel guilty because i dont want her to come around for awhile. My mood is balancing but i can just blow up under pressure. I need to return her call or i think i might email and tell her i am not having visitors until i feel better, has anybody dealt with a similar situation before? I just couldnt handle a lecture on getting out meeting people, or volunteering to help out, will get me over feeling down, when i have explained its more than the blues! Thanks for your advice, it would be much appreciated. BFN, @1stepup61

4 replies

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In response to: Friends & MI

Re: Friends & MI

Hi @1stepup61. Sounds like your friend doesn't understand your illnesses. She wants to help but makes you feel worse. My mum does this with me. "Lets clean your spare bedroom, then you'll feel better" she says. No I won't. My illness has nithing ti do with a room I don't use and keep the door shut on. It has to do with me feeling worthless. So when she points out whats wrong with me or my house - it's like reinforcing my negative self talk - my illness.
I sent ger a video link a few weeks ago on what not to do. She had to watch it 3 times before she got it.
Tell your friend honestly how you feel when she does this ir brings someone else with her. Tell her the help y I u would like her to give you is her friendship, nothing more. No physical help unless asked for. Let her know you understand that she is trying to help you, but it is the wrong sort of help for you at this time. If she doesn't understand this, you may need to remove her from your life for a while.

In response to: Re: Friends & MI

Re: Friends & MI

Sorry to say @1stepup61 I have had a lot of this kind of behaviour from people who said they were my friends or "loving family" but could not even respect my physical ilnesses, let alone depression.

I still struggle with it. Have been clear and calm and polite. Most people think what they think and dont want to change it.

I think it is important that you do whatever you need to protect yourself from things and people that trigger "feeling worthless" about yourself.

I am trying to 'practise what I preach' about this kind of thing ...

Recently I posted about a so-called friend talking in a very callous manner. I have asked him to stop, but I guess he cant so I now think about him as an acquaintance not a friend ... it does not matter if he can or he cant .. I just cannot cope with too much of that attitude. I am slowly learning to protect myself from such people and triggers.

In response to: Re: Friends & MI

Re: Friends & MI

Hi @utopia thanks for your reply. i agree with your idea that their idea of help just makes me feel worthless as well. Its the pits, as i am bad enough on myself! I realise that some people dont know how to talk about stuff that scares them. I think i will need to say what i need for me now. I am glad your mum did watch the video u gave her and even though it took three times to get it, thats says to me she wants to learn. I really hope so! BFN, @1stepup61

In response to: Re: Friends & MI

Re: Friends & MI

Hi @Appleblossom, You have been so brave to speak up for yourself to that callous x friend. I think that is where i am up to with my friend. Your right with how you handled the situation and its time for me to be brave to. Thanks for your reply. BFN. @1stepup61

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