Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

Hello @Judi9877

Your situation with your father is one that I can appreciate from the opposite perspective. I am the father in a similar scenario to your situation.

It has been discussed, in conversation between the counsellor and me, that I have been hesitant about interacting with my children because I had felt that my presence may cause them harm. This is apparently, a typical OCD type behaviour.

My eldest daughter kept contact with my mother, her grandmother, through me. It was not until after my mother passed away, and my daughter visited me, on her own, that I became aware that my daughter actually wanted to establish a connection between us, she and me. It may have been that my daughter viewed me in a different way to that which she had previously, because of the way that she had observed the way that I had cared for my mother, during the ten years prior to my mother's passing.

Since that time, we have enjoyed each others company in a relationship which is progressively developing in a very special way, for which I am most thankful.

I do hope that your relationship with your father may develop in a similar and very rewarding way for both of you.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

hello my daughter @BPDSurvivor

mum has improved from her infection even though the sore has not gone away ( doctor thinks it is a sun cancer )

waiting for mums new room downstairs to be painted -- she is ready to go into because her arms are soo sore from going up and down the steps

today we did 5 hours ( 2 jobs ) cleaning today

home now

how has your day been

Hello @Judi9877 , @BlueBay , @HenryX

Hi Mum @Shaz51 ,

I'm glad your mum's infection is going away. I hope you'll be able to see to the sore soon. I think it will be so much better she doesn't have to go up and down stairs... but does that mean you are away form her (upstairs) in the night? That's probably the hardest part in case you can't hear her.

For me today, i had a really good day. I had meetings in the morning, two lessons, then another meeting in the arvo. I'm so glad to be back onsite at work. It makes such a difference interacting with people. Of course I don't mean it is easy, but it is fulfilling.

This is the hardest part of having BPD - relationships. Yet I'm throwing myself in the deep end and delving more into making new relationships with people. There's still a lot of anxiety, but i know I need to do this in order to move forward.

How are you @HenryX @BlueBay @Judi9877 ?

That is a very good point my @BPDSurvivor

I go downstairs to the toilet up to 4 times every night

And yes thinking of an idea for mum if she needs me

I will be leaving the upstairs door open xx

Hello @BPDSurvivor and @Shaz51 , @BlueBay , @Judi9877 , @Daisydreamer

Thanks for the tag @BPDSurvivor . Going reasonably well. Recognising limitations but also working to improve physical capacity and maintain mental/psychological capacity by meeting challenges as they arise, in the best way that I can.

Best Wishes to Everyone

@HenryX

@HenryX , you are very right and wise. That's all we can do. It's about recognising our limitations yet also strengthening our abilities.

Thank you for your posts,

BPDSurvivor

Hi mum @Shaz51 ,

Some people come to the point of utilising a baby monitor in the room. I know it might be a bit early to need one just now, but just something to think about for the future. I guess she's not getting any younger.

Hope you're having a good sleep after your 2 jobs today.

Take Care,

BPDSurvivor

Good evening @BPDSurvivor @HenryX @Shaz51 @BlueBay @Daisydreamer @Former-Member and everyone here. How is life going?

Today, I spent the day finishing the second section of my Mental Health Recovery Blanket as well as speaking to a close male friend via text messages - very enjoyable I will say! See below for a photos my blanket!

I will admit I'm struggling a bit with my BPD in regards to my relationship with my twin sister as it seems we're living in 2 different universes and all we seem to do is get into arguments. She works full time but doesn't like to recognise that I'm a uni student who also studies as a form of work (I count studying as work as my brain certainly gets a workout!) and does volunteer work here at Sane as I don't earn money doing that. I like to believe that my volunteer work is good for me as it gives me a sense of purpose and I know it could help me with my uni studies in the form of gaining valuable experience in mental health. My sister doesn't see it that way though.

Talk later,

Judi9877😎💐

A totally agree with you @BlueBay . Studying and volunteering is work. I like how you mentioned that the work on SANE gives you a sense of achievement in being able to support others. Work is not always about making money.

As for being a twin, I see it as you are still two separate beings with separate strengths/weaknesses, likes/dislikes. I argued a lot with my sisters in the past. The sister I argued most with is the sister I'm closest to - could this be the case for you too?

I love the blanket. It's like every stitch and square has a sentimental value attached to it - it is this value that keeps the blanket together.

Thank you @Judi9877 .

Please feel free to reach out here at anytime. I'm all ears.

BPDSurvivor

Hello @Judi9877

Previously, I have mentioned the apparent similarity between your relationship with your sister and mine with my brother.

You are aware of your own inputs, in terms of studies, what you offer to others through your work and interactions here and elsewhere. You also appear to appreciate what you receive, in return, through various sources and in various ways. And I definitely understand the ideas you have expressed when you stated that,

“I like to believe that my volunteer work is good for me as it gives me a sense of purpose and I know it could help me with my uni studies in the form of gaining valuable experience in mental health”.

I believe that I could never convey to my brother, in any way that he could understand, appreciate or value, what I offer and what I receive, in life. Your reference to "living in 2 different universes" seems peculiarly apt, in your situation with your sister, as it is between my brother and me. The differences in capacity to perceive each other's world, in both our situations, seems to be un-bridgeable. In my case, despite attempts on my part to be civil and courteous, the response has been arrogant, rude, dismissive and blunt. While my brother can be courteous, polite and engaging with some people, as he chooses, the negative mannerisms andpresentations are also, at times, apparent to certain others.

I understand that the relationship between sisters is driven by slightly different dynamics than the relationship between brothers. However, I believe that the dynamics are in relation to the methods of bridging, going through, round, under or over the barriers. Those barriers can be so significant, in any case, as to be insurmountable and the differences can possibly be irreconcilable. I believe that this is so between my brother and me. We simply have such differing perspectives, on the issues that we have considered in the past, that they are unlikely to change in the future. His attitude toward me is also a product of how he views me as a person, which carries over from the relationship dynamics in our family during childhood and early adulthood. Needless to say, on the basis of past experience, any hope of reaching agreements in the future is limited. Since I am past 70, I have had a lifetime of attempts behind me. And I could easily put myself into a position of hurting myself if I tried to push my position further, or alternatively, concede and adopt and align myself with the positions held by my brother. That would certainly be to my detriment, as it would involve some degree of subservience and I would certainly not, in such a situation, be able to remain true to myself.

It seems to me that you are attempting to convince your sister of things that have certain meanings for you, but have different meanings for her. My concern is, that you may, unfortunately, be

“beating your head against a brick wall”.

You may be attributing the issues of concern to yourself and to your BPD, and adopting the position of being responsible for the differences, when it may not be so much to do with you, but to do with your sister's perspectives, points of view and beliefs. The apparent lack of co-ordination and coincidence between your sister's concepts and yours, don't have to be attributed to you. You have put a lot of work into the communication in the relationship, as has been apparent from the information and details that you have posted on the forum. Maybe, therefore, the responsibility does not rest with you, but elsewhere.

My concern, as it may also be for others, is that you may hurt yourself, by trying to stretch yourself too far in this interaction, to your own detriment and in various ways.

In my case, I have decided to live my own life on my terms. Unfortunately, that does mean that there is limited interaction between my brother and me. But that is better than attempts to change each other's points of view, perspectives and beliefs to a point where unpleasantness leads to outcomes that could then lead to no contact at all. Since I have a good relationship with his children, it would be I who would lose more in such a situation. Consequently, less contact is better than no contact at all.

@Judi9877 , I had not meant this note to be quite so long, however, I hope that it provides another perspective from a similar position and situation and that it may be helpful.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX