Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

Hi Fellow-friends!

Just wanted to check-in with you all today. This festive season can be a time when many gather to celebrate the year, but it can also be a difficult time.

I just wanted you to know we are here if you want to reach out during this time.

@Shaz51 @BlueBay @Aniela @Nells @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @WIP @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora

BPDSurvivor

Merry Christmas @BPDSurvivor

🎄❤️🎄❤️

Hi @BPDSurvivor . Merry Christmas forumite!

I came across this picture on a BPD website about Christmas that I thought you and others might enjoy

Have a great day! Take care and stay safe!

Judi9877🎄

Hi @BPDSurvivor - thankyou for your posts and I hope that you too are enjoying the festive season.

As I'd previously mentioned, I was expecting some bumps over the xmas period and havn't been disappointed. Being from a Scandinavian background, our family celebrate on xmas eve. My daughter had said she'd be joining us and that she'd make her own way to her cousins house.

Thirty mins before the evening was meant to kick off, I get the text message that she had a migraine all day and a cough and wouldn't be able to make the evening. I put my best boundary-led thinking hat on, but still can't help feeling why she couldn't have let eveyone know earlier in the day, as everyone had put a lot of time, effort and money in the occassion.

So.... my big question is, how do I get over feeling that teensy bit resentful about it, as whilst it didn't totally ruin my night, it did upset me, as again I feel like I'm the one feeling the consequences.

Thanks for your post @Andrab .

I can see why you feel slightly upset with what has happened. You have every right to feel upset. It is perfectly okay.

From your daughter's perspective, I can see her having battled all day - wanting to go so she won't disappoint you all, yet at the end, her feelings took over. I'm sure she would have felt exhausted by the end of the day. In a borderline's mind, there is always a yes-no, good-evil, black-white battle going on. It is draining.

Moving forward, I agree with you that she could have told you sooner, however, if she told you a day earlier or in the morning, would it have changed your preparations? This is not a question to answer, but more to reflect on.

When you are not emotionally tied to what has happened and your daughter has also rested up, it would be good to bring this up. Acknowledge how she may have been feeling (sick, tired) then tell her how you felt when she told you 30mins prior. Eg "I was looking forward to having you with us. I know you had a headache and was probably exhausted. I did feel a bit disappointed when you couldn't come and message me 30 mins before. Were you anxious about coming?" Depending on how this goes, you can speak to her about telling your earlier next time.

Main thing, don't bring this up when either of you are upset because it hurts more and may come out in the wrong way. Perhaps give it a few days? Always acknowledge/validate how she may have been feeling at the time to cause her to not come.

I remember the times when I was perfectly ok in a situation, then one small thing would cause me to pull back at the last minute. Situations became so overwhelming that I emotionally could not face it. It's as though someone was scratching through my very thin emotional skin. The pain is immense.

@Andrab , you have every right to feel upset. I think it's good for your daughter to know how you felt. It's about HOW you tell her and WHEN you tell her.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @BPDSurvivor

Merry Christmas xxoo

Currently the past few weeks I have been in a constant war in my head. It's like one part of my head is a positive and the other a negative. The negative part takes over very quickly and very intense. Their is no reasoning with myself or this constant battle. Its draining, i am feeling exhausted all the time trying to 'fix' things or 'work things out'. I can't and i know it's okay if i can't - it's just this battle.

Not sure if you can relate to this??

BB xx

Hi @BlueBay ,

I can most definitely relate to what you are saying. It's that constant battle in the mind. I have attached the following to show the utter confusion in the mind of a lot of people with BPD.

Despite this confusion, I also believe pwBPD can learn to successfully manage this distress and confusion.

I lived for years in the above headspace, but now I can mostly manage by training my mind to understand that by me thinking and over-thinking, I actually can't make changes. I am working on sitting with the distress rather than trying to do something about it. The longer you sit with it, you see it will pass:

This is something you can work on with a trained therapist. It's never too late to start.

@BlueBay , it IS possible to live successfully with BPD. BPD can make you the most awesome person to be with because you know what it's like to live with strong emotional pain. You are worth more than you think. You are stronger than you think. You are more valuable than you think.

Hold on, and things will pass.

BPDSurvivor

Thanks @BPDSurvivor for replying.
those quotes you put up are so true. It's exactly how I am.
I will bring this up with my psychologist.
my dictir understands it. He tells me it's like a vortex spinning around,getting thrown around with all my mixed emotions.

I always worry - am I too sensitive. Don't cry it's silly to cry. Stop crying is what I got told as a child. You're weak. What are you crying for. Now looking bsvk I can see the BPD in me as a young child.
I still at times feel weak like why me? I struggle to accept. That word "accept" is very difficult to be at ease with. I don't know why. Is it because to me it seems final to say accept. I think it's like that black and white thinking. Not sure this is making sense.
@BPDSurvivor can I tag you in my posts when I vent. Maybe you can help me.
if you don't want to just tell me it's ok

another emotional turmoil in my head this mirning - and I don't have a reason.

irs like I need an answer to everything I do snd feel. Does there have to be a reason. Do I need to "fix" things all the time. Gosh it's tiring.

better go grab a tissue before fsmily seems.
thets another thing - so what if they see me emotional. Does it matter. It shouldn't. But hubby has a bad habit of saying "stop crying"

it's like I got told to shut up as a child teenager snd niw sn adult.
just can't win.
im sorry for my rant this morning.

Dear @BlueBay ,

Of course you can tag me into your posts! I'd be delighted to share your journey with you. I also don't mind you venting here because it shows the struggles of someone with BPD. Many can learn much from lived experience.

In terms of your post, perhaps "accept" means to stop struggling and fighting against BPD? What do you think? I fought my circumstances so much in the past, but then realised it was a losing battle. This is when I learnt to sit with the discomfort - I guess this is to "accept" it? Also note, I don't think "accept" means to lie in defeat. I think it is more "accepting" the things we cannot change in order to change your situation.

When I teach students, I always tell them that difficulties and challenges are inevitable - it is not whether we have to not have challenges, but how we respond.

I'd encourage you to continue reaching out. It will help release some of the pressure building up inside.

Im here for you,

BPDSurvivor