Struggling.

Hi @Former-Member

While it sounds like you have a wonderful treating team (especially your Dr & psychologist, by the sounds of it), it must be so hard not to have your family know what you're going through. That must be very isolating.

You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I don't know your family personally, but I know most families would really want to support and be really sad to find out thier loved one is going through something alone.

Do you think it's time to share some of this with a family member?

You mention you're having thoughts of suicide at the moment. We aren't a crisis support service, so while you're more than welcome to seek the support from peers here, it's always best to contact a crisis support service if you feel like you're at risk.

Some great organisations include:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or online chat

Suicide call back: 1300 659 467 or online chat

Are you safe at the moment?

Hi @Former-Member. You do have a problem. Your depression and anxiety has increased to the point you are thinking about suicide. That is serious and needs to be treated properly.
You say you shouldn't have a problem because you have family. Mental illness does not discriminate. It affects smart working people. Stay at home parents. Students. Anyone and everyone. Tbere is no need for shame. I see my depression and anxiety as the same as someone with diabetes. It's not their fault that their body doesn't produce insulin. A mental illness is no different from a physical illness. If it was your mum or your child who was suffering, wouldn't you get them all the help available. You deserve that same love. You deserve all the treatment available to help you.
Earlier this year my depression got worse. Suicide was playing in my head. I listened to my psychologist and gp and got a referral to The Melbourne Clinic. There I was assigned a psychiatrist. I was safe there. I learnt new coping techniques, my medication was changed. I attended therapy. I'm no longer suicidal. I have down days still. But I'm also having more happy days and moments. I'm getting better. My son is seeing me fight to overcome my illness. He is seeing me win. My family - some know - some don't. Same as my friends.
You need to get further help. You need to listen to your psychologist and gp. Hospital is not scary. It's just a place to go and get better.
I hope you do. & I hope you let your family know how you are feeling / not coping.
All the best

Yes, I'm safe and if I don't feel safe, I know which places to contact.

@Former-Member - really glad to hear that
Did @utopia 's response assist?

(so great to hear how far you have come @utopia ! )

Yes, Thank you.

I think it's going to take a while to get the help I need. For a couple of different reasons, I cannot tell my family. I do have a couple of support people though.
I always think things can't get worse but then they do. I just feel shit.

@Former-Member - really glad you do have some support people. It can make all the difference.
Did you want to share a bit about why you can't tell you family?

My husband hasn't been supportive when I've tried to talk to him previously about me struggling.
I've had things happen in my life which has caused me to have PTSD my dr said, and if my husband knew why I'm struggling, it would lead on to other things. He can't know who has hurt me, as I still see them & it wouldn't end well.

@Former-Member. It sounds like you are stuck at the moment with telling your family and especially your husband further details. That must be hard for you. I'm glad you have some support and you seem to get along well with your psychologist.
Hopefully you will be able to sort something out. A psychiatrist might be able to o recommend a different or additional medication that can help (maybe a mood stabiliser to go with an anti depressant). This may be enough to remove the awful suicidal thoughts, without needing hospitalisation. And then you and your psychologist can continue with your normal treatment.
It can and does get better. I hope you are able to find some solution to getting the extra help you need.
Please keep in touch.

I'm wondering what being in hospital will do that I'm not already doing?
I see a psychologist, and my GP regularly.
It scares me, especially because my husband doesn't know.