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Something’s not right

I need to get past this. It's too much.

I need to get past this. It's too much.

We all know therapy, medication and self care is important. There are in between times we just need to get our worries out there and just be people who have problems like most other people.

I've been on re-curring thoughts trip again. I don't understand why it's happening? I wish I could understand so I could help myself.

Some of my background. Abusive childhood with severe neglect and abandonment. A sister with a learning disability. The only person in my family I would help. We have no contact sadly. I've had a horrific life. Walked away completely last year. Have no known family at all.

I don't know whether I'm processing trauma or if I'm feeling my sister? I'm not sure? I'm an empath and highly sensitive. I sometimes sense when someone wants me, is in pain, is trying to reach out but in the past when I've gone to help I've got severely hurt. This time I'm hesitant to reach out.

My sister was abused too. It's only now that I am beginning to understand her behaviours and why she behaves like she does. What my mother did was disgusting. Obviously my sister and I are different people and handled what she did differently.

My mother always chose men over us. We were abandoned. My mother and father seperated for the final time when I was about 16. I left home not long after. I'm still trying to process leaving. That left my little sister with my mom. She inflicted the same on my sister when it came to men. It was definitely like she despised motherhood, we were in the way.

I remember one particular man she was with for years. Long story but I wasn't living at home anymore. By this stage I'd developed a drug and alcohol problem. My sister was neglected for years and not included unless my mother decided she was. I saw my sister's pain and I felt powerless. I had my own pain. Oh gosh, did I develop a deep hatred towards my mother. I wanted to be violent towards her. I wanted to hit her and smash her to pieces.

Nowadays my sister is manipulative, controlling, and very punishing. It's so toxic that Ok had nothing left to do but leave. I tried for many years to tell my sister, counselling would be a great option. I told my sister that it wasn't about her being a problem, it was talking about things that really hurt her in life.

My asshole of a mother has her convinced something is wrong with her. That she needs to be on medication. That she needs help. That my sister is abusing her. Everything but looking at what caused my sister to become this way. I want to take my sister away. The thing is my sister even resents me. Anyone that hers my mother's time is resented, excepted the person that caused her damage.

My mother is/was a very sick woman. She would betray her own children and not just for men. So the last two days, I have wanted to contact my sister. I have not. I've stopped myself. I've worked damn hard these last ten months. I tried to bring my family back together for many years, until the many pennies dropped last year and I cut all contact. My mother hadn't changed when it comes to men.

People enable her. Whenever my mother needs a place to live and can't find anywhere, she ends up in my sister's garage. The thing is their relationship will always be toxic, until one of them says enough and goes to get help. I also thought if I leave, they do not have me anymore which means they have to at some point look at themselves. I also left because it was best for me.

I don't know if my mother has a mental illness, she was never diagnosed with anything. Definitely something is wrong with her though. I know from 34 years of abuse that something is wrong. The questions I have are many. Right now though I just don't know what actions to take and how to alleviate some of my pain.

At some point and over time I will share some more of my story.

14 replies

11 - 14 of 14

In response to: I need to get past this. It's too much.

Re: I need to get past this. It's too much.

@NatureLover

Thank you. I'm making my life calm and protected right now. I'm not sure how to explain that or what I'm doing. My head is a minefield, so I'm slowly walking through it, disarming the mines and then eradicating how they got there. I'm making a lot of lifestyle changes and finally am giving myself my love and energy more than to everyone else. A lot more balance. Writing is really good for me. Thanks for being here and writing.

In response to: I need to get past this. It's too much.

Re: I need to get past this. It's too much.

@Powderfinger

I'm sorry to hear that you've had a lot to cope withsnd your in a tough place at the moment. Letting you know that I'm right here for support and sending it right your way.
I hope you draw some comfort sharing amongst us here too.

In response to: Re: I need to get past this. It's too much.

Re: I need to get past this. It's too much.

@Caringsoul73 @NatureLover @Eve7 @Jynx

I've tried to keep busyish today. I've stopped trying to make sense of what I'm going through. It's too exhausting. The complexity of it makes it harder. I know I can't help my sister. She doesn't want to be helped. I also have to keep myself safe. Emotionally and psychologically safe. On a normal day, that is what I would have to do and now that I'm so fragile it is even more important.

I think I'm dealing with a lot of guilt. Trying to explore that a bit more. I wanted to protect my sister and I couldn't. I look at her photos of when she was a little girl. When we were little. I think how can anyone hurt that pretty and cute face? Then I think how could anyone hurt me too? I stop and think and just feel nothing. It happened. I feel nauseated and like I'm going to pass out sometimes. I did protect her when I could. Sometimes my mother would get angry if I did.

I'm so sensitive, I cannot watch people getting bullied or hurt in any way. I beat a lot of people up in my teens. Anyone that bullied my sister or me, I beat them up. Girls and boys. It didn't matter. I'm not proud of it.

The thing is I can understand now why my sister is how she is. My mother used to talk to me a lot as to how my sister was treating her. I just got caught in a cycle. A horrible cycle. The cycle went on for a long time. I'm slowly unravelling the cycle.

I think too, for me it feels strange to have two family members out there and I'm alone. I mean, I wonder what they do with their lives now? Obviously much more than this is going on when it comes to that large part of my life. I'm trying to research articles. Hard to find good ones.

In response to: I need to get past this. It's too much.

Re: I need to get past this. It's too much.

Hi there @Jinx, It sounds like your life is ripe for change. What really makes you happy? That is where you sound like you need to be.
11 - 14 of 14