Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Adult survivors of incest

KelpieContributor13 Sept 2020, 3:07 pm AEST

Adult survivors of incest

Hello.

I wonder whether there are any adult survivors of incest out there who'd like to share their experiences with me, particularly regarding the ramifications of disclosure.

My own father (perpetrator) recently died, and the fallout after the funeral was as I anticipated - intensely triggering. As a result, I finally told my mother exactly what I think of her. Of course, now I've closed that door and find myself without a 'family' - and all that that entails.

Incest is really so devastating and specific, hopefully someone out there can relate.

13 replies

11 - 13 of 13

1 2

In response to: Adult survivors of incest

KelpieContributor15 Sept 2020, 6:55 am AEST

Re: Adult survivors of incest

@Appleblossom I can only imagine how orphanages and foster care added another layer of trauma to your experience. I relate to your explanation of a religious mother. Mine is too. And she had her own traumatic childhood experiences - s the intergenerational component is powerful. I think that's really why I've been so conscious of addressing it: I've always had this sense that the trauma stops with me in our family. No more. Sometimes I think that's why I was born - to hold that space for my family.

In response to: Re: Adult survivors of incest

AppleblossomSenior Contributor15 Sept 2020, 12:56 pm AEST

Re: Adult survivors of incest

Religion has its good points, but in contemporary society obfuscates too many sexual and gender issues. Incest being one. Also the vague accusations of incest and pedophilia which may be untrue, and people getting on bandwagons and vague fear etc etc and lack of clarity, about what is true and what is imagination.

@Kelpie

I used to be like that at work, buck stopped with me kinda thing, especially on the counter of a SocSec benefits office. I worked like a Trojan. Later I tried to do that in my family of creation, It was my total priority, but have to face it that I was unable to prevent the trauma seeping through, despite my best efforts. It is what it is. I do not believe in absolutes anymore. Very careful with B&W thinking.

Take Care. I deeply appreciate you raising these things.

Apple

In response to: Adult survivors of incest

Anna_New Contributor24 Sept 2020, 10:07 am AEST

Re: Adult survivors of incest

Thanks for sharing, I find you all brave. I was molested for over a year by my 16 year old uncle when I was 7 and to this day I have not disclosed to anyone. I constantly flip between hating him and making excuses for him. I literally feel like he has ruined my life because I feel disgusting and ashamed even though i recognise i was a victim in the situation. I have some unhealthy dating patterns which i can fully acknowledge, but cant seem to change my behaviour. Sometimes I think I should disclose to someone but the level of anxiety that arises from picturing the fall out is enough to push it back down.

11 - 13 of 13

1 2