PowderfingerSenior Contributor
In my best interests to end my relationship. *TW
I ended my relationship last night. It's the right thing for me. I'm not choosing for her, I'm choosing it for me. This toxic, negative and destructive cycle needed to end. The only way to put an end to it in my life was to end the relationship.
Everything that could be done has been tried and failed. I can now see clearly letting her go to live her life and do as she wants and needs is best for me.
She self harmed last night.. (First time) I cleaned it up and bandaged it. It is not deep enough for stitches. I said to her thus is a very clear sign you need more help than just a therapist. Do you understand? I told her thus is very traumatic for me to see and I cannot give her the type of support she needs.
I don't deserve to be treated the way I am and have been. It will only continue if I stay. Last night she said to me at the beginning of our relationship she didn't listen to what she needed. She said she needs to be around other people in a social setting work wise. She left her job not long after she met me. She was do miserable there. Everytime, she had choices. She wasn't a prisoner with me. She said she didn't listen to herself in the beginning.
Yet, she cannot bear to be without me. You know I'm just done with all of it. We are not right for each other. Love truly is not enough sometimes. I'm tired of responsibility being shifted onto me for her choices. I've stick by her through thick and thing. The good, the bad and the very ugly.
I've spoken to her in the past about going in some medication. I've left the choice up to her and have not pushed her and not bought it up again. It never would have mattered what I had done. There would be fault to find as she doesn't know what she had. I still don't think she does. The only way she might learn is to no longer have it at all.
Unfortunately, we live in the same house and have signed a lease for a year. We are both on the lease. One of us has to go. I do not want to live under the same roof. I've decided to not put any energy into fixing the broken relationship. I just want my own life back to do as I please and work on recovery from my mental breakdown.
The rent us expensive but covers all bills with it. I do want to stay in my home and get a flatmate in. She has family in Perth to go back to. We are four hours from there. I work where we live, she does not. It makes more sense for her to leave and I stay.
On top of this all, of course I'm hurting. I don't want to talk with her. It just ends up with stonewalling, silence and toxic patterns. She needs to go work on her own issues without me. I need to support me and any energy I have needs to go into me.
I have therapy this morning thankfully. I sent her a text last night telling her that a discussion needs to be had about moving out. Out of respect whoever stays, the other person needs to give that person time to sort out their financial affairs and finding a housemate before the other leaves. The break up is hard enough.
I told her other than that I'd like to be left alone and do what Is need to do for me.
There is no other way anymore and I don't have any support besides my therapist and this place.
