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Paranoid partner

Paranoid partner

My boyfriend is convinced he is being followed. He accuses me of setting him up and has chased me in his car one day for over half an hour and when I finally pulled up he thought I had someone hiding in my car boot. I was so scared that day I went to the police. The police have since been called twice as it is the only way he leaves me alone - I have never cheated or even entertained such an idea, but he won't listen when I tell him repeatedly there is nothing going on. We went to get dinner Friday night in a drive through but he spotted a random car in the car park and told me I was setting him up - he then chased after the car and I didn't feel safe because I really don't know what he will do or is capable of. I told him repeatedly to take me back to my car which he eventually did only to attack me and accuse me of setting him up and I'm the reason he's being followed and that I had told someone where we going that night when he was with me the whole time I never contacted anyone. I was pushed out of the car, held down and when I finally got up he chased me and threw me in the house and put his hands around my neck. I was only able to leave because police came. He tells me he loves me and he needs to spend more time with me and he will be ok. I am too terrified of what will happen next and I can't see any option of leaving this relationship safely apart from a VRO. Every time I've tried to leave he threatens suicide, I've barely held myself together and this is the first time I've told everyone what's really been happening. Im seeking help through therapy for my own sanity but am too scared to tell him. That's what I've become, a scared shattered human

29 replies

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In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Hi @Prisoner it's understandable you're feeling overwhelmed, you have been through so much and you're processing a lot right now about making some big decisions about your life and your future. It's okay to feel scared and vulnerable. We are here for you today if you need support or just want some distraction from those horrible guilty thoughts. You are among friends here. Take care of yourself today 🙂

In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

I did it @pip what a day today was... My order was granted and I saw my dr. I do feel less agitated than I was so that's a start . Apparently when I was seeing the dr he had turned up to my mums work looking for her because I figure he realised he couldn't speak to me since I changed my number. I had no idea he went to her work until she dropped me off at my brothers and was driving to the court to get a restraining order herself- is that abit excessive?? I was later taken to a friends house and when I called my bro to make sure he was with mum me turned up at the house saying he wanted to talk to me and loves me etc and when asked if he ever laid a finger on me he answered no otherwise he wouldn't be there. Thank god I had told my bro just b4 and showed him the bruises - I didn't f**king imagine hands around my neck, I haven't been a shaky mess for over a week now for nothing. I can't believe he turned up to the house... I can't believe what my mum wants to do tomorrow ( I can't think about it) I feel so sad for him, I hope he really gets help now and I'm so sorry I had to do this to him but all I feel capable of is trying to fix myself now one day minute second at a time and getting the scared sick feeling out of me. I can't wait to see my counsellor Thursday...

In response to: Re: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Dear Prisoner. Congratulations and best wishes. What a harrowing day for you, but the good part is, that's behind you. Now you start the healing and grieving process. Don't for one minute feel guilty/sorry for him. Take good care of you, you're what's important now. I suggest you try writing some of what you're feeling, sad, sick, scared etc, you need to work on those feelings as well as grief/anger. Your ex is in complete denial and will blame you for everything because it's easier. It's possible you may also hear from his mum. If you do hear from his mum, I suggest you ask her nicely to leave you alone. His mum will listen to him before she will believe you. As far as your counsellor, take it slow and easy there, till you feel comfortable. I'm so proud of you and what you achieved. Be proud of yourself and start looking to a bright cheery future. How long is the order in place?

In response to: Re: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Hi there. I think we better find you a better name. You are no longer imprisoned, so 'Prisoner' no longer is apt. How about 'free at last'.

In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

That's sounds good @pip. I can't find how to change it from my phone, I feel like a grub waiting to turn into a butterfly... Today I just focused on myself, that was hard enough. Still feel the guilt but my meds help to push the feelings down quicker. Vacuuming and weeding my friends garden has been the normal thing I've done in over a week... Just breathe and ride it out is my mantra right now

In response to: Re: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Dear Free At Last. You were never a 'grub'. You were in an impossible situation. Extremely dangerous, unpredictable. The guilt feelings you are experiencing will recede once you realize you are FREE. You are still in 'prison' mode because you've only just been 'released'. Concentrate on your breathing, if you feel as though you could be hyperventilating, breathe into a paper bag. Remember butterflies are beautiful, so are you. None of what happened is your fault, you had no idea he had problems. Keep seeing your counsellor, keep a journal of your recovery. Remember me or someone else here will always be here.

In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Thank you sane forums , look it forward to brighter days...

In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

@pip, the order is for 6 months

In response to: Paranoid partner

Re: Paranoid partner

Wow... What a difference one week has made. I feel calm, centred and positive. I almost feel 'free'. I broke a cycle I was trapped in. I almost feel guilty I feel so good... Everyone from work colleagues to friends to family have been so amazing to me. It's shocked me how common my problem was and that it had even affected one of the most strong women I know. I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support I have been shown and given through the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Sane Forums, I also can't thank you all enough for being there for me when I couldn't speak, didn't feel strong enough and the reassurance I received to get through this mess. You have all helped me more than I can put into words. My gratitude now fills me up as the fear subsides. Thank you so much everyone xox I couldn't have done this without you all. Yours sincerely, Free At Last 🙂 ❤️
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