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My boyfriend is convinced he is being followed. He accuses me of setting him up and has chased me in his car one day for over half an hour and when I finally pulled up he thought I had someone hiding in my car boot. I was so scared that day I went to the police. The police have since been called twice as it is the only way he leaves me alone - I have never cheated or even entertained such an idea, but he won't listen when I tell him repeatedly there is nothing going on. We went to get dinner Friday night in a drive through but he spotted a random car in the car park and told me I was setting him up - he then chased after the car and I didn't feel safe because I really don't know what he will do or is capable of. I told him repeatedly to take me back to my car which he eventually did only to attack me and accuse me of setting him up and I'm the reason he's being followed and that I had told someone where we going that night when he was with me the whole time I never contacted anyone. I was pushed out of the car, held down and when I finally got up he chased me and threw me in the house and put his hands around my neck. I was only able to leave because police came. He tells me he loves me and he needs to spend more time with me and he will be ok. I am too terrified of what will happen next and I can't see any option of leaving this relationship safely apart from a VRO. Every time I've tried to leave he threatens suicide, I've barely held myself together and this is the first time I've told everyone what's really been happening. Im seeking help through therapy for my own sanity but am too scared to tell him. That's what I've become, a scared shattered human
Thank u @Shimmer and @pip for helping me through this. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I know it has to stop for everyone concerned but it is the guilt that I've found crippling the most and knowing that I am about to potentially hurt someone else's feelings because someone else's feelings have been my concern now for so long I've forgotten my own. I can't fix anything if I'm broken and that is quite tough to swallow for me. I need to live not just be alive and cut every part of him from my life.
In response to: Paranoid partner
PrisonerSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
I'm so glad I signed up to this forum- it has really helped me stay some kind of sane through all this x thank you everyone on here
In response to: Paranoid partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Dear Prisoner. So pleased you found the courage to ask for help. I'm sure after hearing the evidence, the magistrate will not hesitate. Best of luck.
In response to: Paranoid partner
PrisonerSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Thank you so much for yesterday @pip I really needed it. I will keep u posted
In response to: Re: Paranoid partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Hi Prisoner. Pleased I was able to give you some guidance. Try not to worry, the magistrate will, I'm sure, grant the AVO.
In response to: Paranoid partner
PrisonerSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Spending tonight feeling so guilty about tomorrow. I'm terrified of how final it's all going to be. I love him so much even now I wish I could hug him. I know my situation won't change without doing this and it is what I need. I wish it could have been so different... Did I really do everything I could to help him? I wish I could free my mind of theses thoughts and I feel so cold having to cut him out of my life after almost 6 years together without another word or warning. I changed my number today as well and Sam fighting every urge in me to try and talk myself out of this. I have told a friend taking me to court to make sure I do this because I'm still trying to picture how this relationship could be if he really could change and we tried to get through this even though I know I can't myself because I can't get what happened out of my head
In response to: Paranoid partner
PrisonerSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
I love him... It hurts so much . I know sound stupid and pathetic but I can't help it. I'm devastated I can't get him out of my head I want to keep loving him so badly but i know it's not healthly. I feel broken and sad.
In response to: Re: Paranoid partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Dear Prisoner. what you're experiencing with your feelings of 'betrayal' is quite normal. You gave 6 years of your life to this relationship, you thought you had found your life's partner. Unfortunately his inability to return your love was different to your ability to love freely. In any relationship, if one of the partners suffers delusions the relationship turns to possession. Your bf's delusions about being followed, watched made it harder to maintain. His violence became scary. I would hope that perhaps, once his mother realizes how violent and unpredictable he became, she may be able to get him the help he needs. He may change, but you would never feel safe again, because there would always be the fear of his personality being unpredictable. Perhaps you should think about getting some therapy yourself. Maybe ask your Dr to recommend a therapist/psychologist just to give you some coping strategies. I don't think, at this stage AD's would benefit, unless perhaps for relaxation. Have a talk with your Dr about relaxation medication, just till you settle down a bit. Your bf needs professional help which you are unable to provide. Once today is over, you will feel better, do you have any sort of relaxant to get you through.
In response to: Paranoid partner
PrisonerSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
I'm so scared of doing this @pip. I don't have any relaxants and have been running on nerves for so long I'm shaking. All I want to do is run. I can barely contain myself. I feel lost and on auto pilot, I can't stop it. This lump in my stomach won't disappear and I can't stop shaking for longer 5-10 minutes. The thoughts don't stop.
In response to: Re: Paranoid partner
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoid partner
Dear Prisoner. Understand completely. As I suggested see a Dr for some relaxation (I don't mean just therapeutic massage). You need AD's to help you calm. I realize talking about this to a magistrate is scary. You feel as though you're baring your soul to a complete stranger. Remember, the magistrate has, no doubt, heard these requests before. He/she will possibly want to know what caused you to take this AVO out. Ask questions, don't offer info, unless asked. If the police are there, talk to them, if you can before proceedings begin. Just concentrate on breathing, try to slow down your breathing. Explain how you've never done this before. Ask for help from the magistrate. Wish I could be there to help and support you. If bf is there, tell the magistrate you fear for your safety. Remember, you have to care for you, there's nothing you can do for him. He needs professional help, you do too.
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