Caringsoul73Senior Contributor
Accepting my illness
Hello,
I'm new to the forum and really just reaching out.
Loving mother of two teenage kids and wife, I have Bipolar 1. I find that all things considered, I've been the best mum and wife I can be and have an amazing husband as support. Mostly, we live a relatively normal family life comprising all of the things everyday families take part in ( kids sports, volunteering, work etc) and share time with friends and family.
Even though our family setting is stable, I suffer terribly from just having this illness, the label and diagnosis has taken the best part of almost two decades to accept. When my children were born, I felt immense guilt for being a mother with this label. I covered up the illness from family and friends and we dealt with it behind closed doors. I sometimes look back at my strength over the years raising a family and managing this illness.
My mother passed away when the children were very young and I never shared my diagnosis with her ( although I suspect she knew something ) and my father doesn't know.
In short, I've felt lonely for not sharing my illness with anyone and decided a few years ago to tell my mother in law about my first manic episode and diagnosis. Honestly, I thought she'd understand but instead she just ignored it, looked annoyed changed subject and it's never been discussed since.
My question is, how can one ever truly be honest about the ugliness of mental health conditions? I mean, I'm trying to accept it as an illness, but why the guilt? Is it because I was a perfectionist who never wanted this tag? It's directly linked to self esteem.
Thank you for listening 🙂
