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Accepting my illness

Accepting my illness

Hello,

I'm new to the forum and really just reaching out.
Loving mother of two teenage kids and wife, I have Bipolar 1. I find that all things considered, I've been the best mum and wife I can be and have an amazing husband as support. Mostly, we live a relatively normal family life comprising all of the things everyday families take part in ( kids sports, volunteering, work etc) and share time with friends and family.
Even though our family setting is stable, I suffer terribly from just having this illness, the label and diagnosis has taken the best part of almost two decades to accept. When my children were born, I felt immense guilt for being a mother with this label. I covered up the illness from family and friends and we dealt with it behind closed doors. I sometimes look back at my strength over the years raising a family and managing this illness.
My mother passed away when the children were very young and I never shared my diagnosis with her ( although I suspect she knew something ) and my father doesn't know.
In short, I've felt lonely for not sharing my illness with anyone and decided a few years ago to tell my mother in law about my first manic episode and diagnosis. Honestly, I thought she'd understand but instead she just ignored it, looked annoyed changed subject and it's never been discussed since.
My question is, how can one ever truly be honest about the ugliness of mental health conditions? I mean, I'm trying to accept it as an illness, but why the guilt? Is it because I was a perfectionist who never wanted this tag? It's directly linked to self esteem.
Thank you for listening 🙂

25 replies

11 - 20 of 25

In response to: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Owlunar

Hello, lovely to meet you 🙂

To answer your question re: seeing mental illness as ugly, has been my view of it over a long period of time. So no one told me that, rather it's my feelings totally. At one point when my illness was severe, I saw it as very ugly. I know I'm not an ugly human for having this illness from a rational perspective, but my emotions tell me otherwise pretty quickly sometimes.

I find it interesting about how you mention ourselves changing the way we view our mental health. I guess over time I've seen stigma attached or people being flippant about mental illness etc and those views really pound in my mind. I feel that a lot of people are ignorant of it or have a certain views or might even be scared of it in some sense.

I do harbour guilt for having my diagnosis and the label, yes absolutely. The only thing that eases the guilt ( and the guilt has eased more over time as I've tried to come to terms with it and acceptance), is that I've sought treatment, talk therapies, cognitive therapy and a range of lifestyle coping strategies to deal with it.

My children are well looked after, sociable and doing well at school and generally happy kids. 17 and 14, have no issues and are pretty resilient. The only thing is that they notice more things that can't be covered up like when they were little. I'm their rock and they value me and how I've raised them. I'm lucky that my illness is much more controlled but it still bothers me that they can see imperfections in my character throughout.

My eldest still believes I taught him life skills, creativity, independance and was always and still am there with a smile and warm hug. My youngest tells me all the time that I'm caring and that she can talk openly with me. That to me is everything. I just have to learn to accept I have this illness and work with it.
I watched an interview on SBS demand once of a lady that suffered dreadfully of postpartum psychosis. Even though that illness is different, I related to the lady and admired her courage for speaking out, holding her dignity. I felt everything toward her, empathy, kindness and compassion to her family unit. Not once did I think she was hopeless etc for having an illness.

I think my style is that I'll always give but I need to remember I'm worthy of receiving my own acceptance. I just haven't forgiven myself for having the illness yet.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I'll see you on the forum 🙂

In response to: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@outlander

Hello,

nice to meet you!

Sorry to hear that you don't have family support. It can be tough dealing with mentally illness and moving through it, frustrating if people around you don't understand.

I hope you can feel a sense of connection on the forum at least to get support around you.
I love the way you mention it doesn't define you and you are so right saying we can do things to help ourselves to cope better. I agree. Sometimes it takes years to find the mix too.

take care 🙂

In response to: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Caringsoul73 Hi there, just dropping by to see how you are travelling today.

I managed to rescue my washing before a shower, now I’m watching a beautiful sun set.

I hope you are managing to find some time for yourself, in between caring for everyone else.

Enjoy your evening. 💙💙

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Maggie

Hello,

Glad you saved the washing!

Thank you for checking in 🙂

I'm in Melbourne so it's been raining all weekend! We are in stage 4 restrictions so we're housebound anyway but allowed one hour exercise. Hubby and I went for a walk inbetween what we thought was a rain break and got drenched! We laughed lots 🙂
I managed to settle with a comedy today, something light.
Made honey blossom candle melts and candle wicks too which I love doing.

I schedule myself every Sunday to have a couple of settling hours to just ' do what I feel' and it's nice.

What interests do you have ? Do you have a hobby?

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Caringsoul73 I actually like a walk in the rain, just not the feel of wet clothes.

Stage 4 lockdown is really hard. My heart goes out to all in Melbourne.

I really like the sound of your honey blossom candle melts and wicks. I will look it up, as I have a candle image in my mind. There is a Craft Corner thread, where some of us share what we do. You are welcome to ‘ show and tell’ or just look.

I actually paint stones. I’ve found a way to bring some colour into some dark days. It doesn’t always work, but mostly, it does.

I hope today is ok, or ok enough. My first coffee this morning, always the best one. Leaving one for when you wake. ☕️💚💕

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Maggie - good morning how's you

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Fluttershy1 Enjoying my first coffee. I hope you are doing ok.

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Maggie - can you look at my thread when you get a chance I shared something crafty.
im not doing so well right now. Haven't slept...

I'm safe

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

Heading over there now @Fluttershy1

In response to: Re: Accepting my illness

Re: Accepting my illness

@Maggie

Good afternoon! Your coffee sounds nice 🙂

Do you share your stones on the forum? I'd love to see them. Sounds like a lovely hobby and I'm glad it's filled your dark days with colour 😍


If I get the courage I'll share some of my work 🙂


I have four main crafts which are homemade cards ( stenciled, calligraphy, embossed) candle and soap making and crochet. My home is filled with candles! Self made spa soaps and body lotion too. I'm a self taught kind of lady lol! It's a great feeling. Recently I made two stuffed funky looking animals in bright colours from crochet but mainly do beanies, snoods/ scarves and headbands, blankets.
I've got lots of goodies that I give as little gifts etc but would love to work toward a craft market stall at some stage as a project. I do it for the love of it plus it makes me feel accomplished.

Thanks for the chat 🙂



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