I feel like i’ve lost my partner to 1st episode psychosis. Will he ever be the same again?

Hi @Jzkm - hope you are doing alright. After my first psychosis, it took about a month out of the hospital environment for me to start acting normally again. Do you know if he is seeing clinicians, taking medication?

Hi @Gwynn

thanks for your reply.

he is on meds yes and the psych checks on him once a week but he said it's a short call to check on how hes doing. Not really therapy or anything.

did you also have the irritability after the episode? Thanks again!

Hi @Jzkm

I'm very sorry for your circumstances. It sounds like you are in hell. I can kind of hear your desperation. You have a young baby to care for and your partner can't help.

Here's what I have learned: You have got to care for yourself first. Got to place your own wellbeing as a higher priority to yourself, than his.

Do you have a crisis plan? Have a kit packed and ready so you can go somewhere safer at short notice.

I learned very recently that I can't help my partner. It's way above my pay grade. I'm not a mental health professional. I can't do it.

You have to look after yourself first.

@Gwynn Sorry for the late reply. Yes he is working long hours but less days which is good. I also notice hes been taking extra time off work every now and then coz he just has a ‘cant be bothered’ mood on his meds which is good for him i think. He’s slowly trying to read up on psychosis just a couple days ago. And he was saying he ticked a lot of the boxes. So i guess thats a pretty good step. I just need to come to terms that he may never be the same again i guess. He lost his fire and desire for anything. I miss him even though he’s still with me. They’re weaning him off his meds they just said today. So down half the dose. But he said he bought so much of the old dose he wants to finish it first. Ugh

@UprightRabbit hi! Thank you so much for your reply and advice. I have a crisis plan in place and have all the necessary boxes ticked in terms of a relapse. It was number 1 on my list because i dont have any family here and with such a young baby i thought i needed to think about worst case scenarios first.

its so hard to know where to draw the line especially when i dont know what the diagnosis really is and i dont have any knowledge where his illness/medication side effects end, and his own behaviour starts. Its all so confusing.

@Margherita7

Hi, im so sorry to hear that. Was he just diagnosed recently? I dont know yet what they think he has but because i work in the field just basing on his meds he can be either schizo or it was just an acute (hopefully once only) psychosis. The thing i just cant get over is that he may never be the same again. Its so hard to separate the illness from the person when he has completely changed. And i get the meds are for the good but is it bad of me to just wish the meds doesnt dull the persons personality out so much?
Is your husband better now from his last episode?

Im not coping well. I cant find it in me anymore to go back to work, ive only just done a shift after maternity leave then all this happens. Im trying to step back in after almost 2 months of stopping again, but the days when he looks after our baby i just want to do nothing.
How are you coping so far?

Hi @Jzkm

Good to hear from you. Never apologise for taking time to update either - I'm sure many of us remember having young babies and to manage those challenges as well as your others, is quite something.

How are you going? I hear you mentioning a lot, that you feel you might never have your pre-illness partner back again. I can't offer anything there as it's outside of my knowledge base. I do want to know, Can you, or are you interested in, getting your own mental health plan? I don't recall if you said you have one or not. For me, having my own psychologist allocated has meant the world. It's by tele-health and bulk-billed. Maybe this is an option for you?

You might benefit from a 'senses check'. I just learned this phrase. It's having access to someone with a valid authority to help you figure out if what you perceive is accurate or not. Having a professional listen and say, 'I hear that and I think your perceptions are valid, and here's why, or why not'.

Because I think we all go through a stage of wondering. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm overreacting? Did I contribute to this?

I feel like you need validation. And support! Being here is good, and getting more support, specifically and only for yourself, is I think incredibly important.

Best, Rabbit.