trigger warning son2 is totally insane

@Appleblossom

@Bunniekins did you get any sleep hun?

@Appleblossom and pea what scares me the most is his future. NDIS asked him to think about what sort of accommodation he can see himself in in the future. That was confronting. I just, like we all do want "normal" for him. The side by side sounds good but you're right not pheasable. I'm visiting my boy today in hispital, I get an hour. He's taken up smoking again this visit so I'm grudgingly taking them in to him. I ask myself on many occasions am I the cause of the entire illness? His grandfather on his father's side had shizophrenia so that provides some comfort but I will always wonder...

@Anastasia Hey Myboy yes I did son2 is out with his carer so will try for yet more in a min. I know what you mean by the wondering .... I am adopted ..... I know my birth mother's side but not my birth father's. I had a terrible virus at 9 weeks with son2 and just wonder whether that impacted upon his problems. Thing is we will never know. My son1 doesnt want kids due to him having two siblings with autism spectrum and mental health issues .... is really quite sad actually.

Music and art are essentially human. Music can arouse different feelings and can calm us down. Depending on how the listener's psyche works and they interpret it. Deep music therpay is just emerging. I used to hate middle of the road, whereas many loved all the light pop. For me it was Classical or Rock, Blues, Jazz. I used to love dancing or house cleaning to rock. The energy got me going. I worked front of house for an early metal gig in High St, cos they liked me leather jacket ... lol but after the deaths could not cope with too much aggression in music or film, so looked elsewhere. My energy was taken up by real people in my life.

@Anastasia

I know a lady who bought a container converted to studio for their backyard.

@Bunniekins

Good you got some sleep. Adoption brings its own issues. Working through what is love and sexuality and excitement, and properly following through for children rain or shine.

Sadly, I had just phone call with my son in hospital which was heavily blame based. I cannot change the past and others. I did the whip myself thing for a long time, but also got up each day having a go. I gave him a lot and he could maybe find a way to be grateful for it and see that it took work and commitment, but he is not "feeling the love". I know he is speaking some of his truth, but its not the totality. I have listened to a lot. Hundreds of hours of rant. Weary. Will phone again tmrw and then maybe alternate days??

@KrishnaHello. I had an old friend who joined the Hare Krishnas in the 1970s and I always liked their service to the poor in Melbourne Streets. Often ate at Gopals.

My daughters birth was an emergency c section and I often wonder if there was a shortage of oxygen at one stage during the 20 hour labour that may have contributed somehow to her schizophrenia. Although 8 years ago when first diagnosed it was a drug induced psychosis but now they tell me she may have had a border line personality disorder and the drugs she exposed herself to have brought it to the surface. Makes no difference now I know. I miss her terribly. Haven't seen her since a disastrous Xmas visit and have no idea where she is living. I do know she found stable accommodation after her last hospital discharge a month ago but that has now fallen through and has put on fb that she is homeless again. Won't answer my calls or reply to private fb messages. God it's doing my head in this past week. Lots of what ifs? ruminating back and forth. I know over the years being on the streets and couch surfing that she has become very resourceful but just breaks my heart that this is what her life has become and I know with the right support it could be somewhat better.

Sorry to hear about the phone call @Appleblossom

My visit finished badly. I just came in to check on you both and offline now as mentally exhausted. ❤️

@Anastasia

@Bunniekins

@Krishna

Sorry to hear about your daughter. There are no winners with serious mental illness.

A phone call just now to say he's being discharged Tuesday because he just got out of bed @Appleblossom @Bunniekins

and didn't go to group therapy this morning. He got a warning last weekend for not attending groups so guess this was the icing on the cake. Frustrated as his meds were changed so he said he felt like crap, didn't sleep didn't intentionally not go. Ringing hospital now to hear their side.

Hello @Krishna

Sorry to hear about your daughter hun 💔