Thoughts

Sitting with you @Lilly6 💙💙

@Anastasia ❣️❣️

Here too @Lilly6

@Maggie

Thank you so much @Anastasia @Maggie @Shaz51 @anonymouse_ @formaggio I appreciate your kind thoughts and words

I Went to my Aunty’s funeral this afternoon; while it was sad it was also a really lovely celebration of her life and what she meant to her kids and the rest of us.

Unfortunately my biological mother was there and way too close and she kept hovering around. She put on a real show - loud crying, coughing, her phone rang during the ceremony and she was talking to another Aunty quite loudly. She said to my sister “at least you care about your mother!” when she managed to corner her. I won’t tell you my sister’s response to that. Sadly at that moment I realised there is absolutely no hope for a relationship EVER with her.

My other Aunty who is sick said we need to look after our mother omfg seriously? Why? Why should we? We are not children anymore that can be knocked down, beaten when down and told you are nothing etc etc etc. I feel betrayed by my Aunty - to her my ‘mother’ is a person who can do no wrong.

It really was difficult for me to see the incubator that popped me out, dragged me and my siblings up and then wiped us because we didn’t want to play her games anymore. I hate her so so much. I hate that I will never have those lovely memories my cousins have of a mother that cares.

I feel so empty right now aside from the anger and hate I have toward her. She will NEVER acknowledge what she has done to us. If I ended my life she will probably say I did it to spite her and ruin her day..........

Oh @Lilly6

I can hear your pain. I am happy the funeral was a lovely celebration of your beautiful Aunty, one that she would have deserved. I am so sorry that it was spoiled for you having to endure such disrespect from your birth giver. I am sorry she treats you and your sister this way. Sadly giving birth does not make someone a mum. I'm sad you missed out on something that should just be your right, that is sad. I think I recall you having a son, I can imagine you are a great mum as a result of not having one yourself. Hold that close hunny. You did very well to get through the day. I'm so proud of you it would have been extremely emotionally draining. I hope you can get some sleep now sweetheart ❤️ Keeping you in my thoughts xxx

@Lilly6 I’m glad the funeral went well. I’m glad you could be there, to farewell some who sounds to have been special in your life.

Sorry about the other person there. You seriously don’t have to look after her, it’s your time now. Look after yourself.

Sending you lots of 💕💕

@Anastasia ❣️❣️

After all the recent events - Aunty's funeral, seeing my 'mother' and the events of last week I am feeling very low and thinking of ways to end things. I have a gp appointment today and had one yesterday but just having trouble pulling myself together.

Hey @Lilly6 it sounds like its been a particularly rough couple of weeks for you Grief is such a heavy thing to be sitting with, along with what you already manage. Its good to hear you have a GP appointment today. Do you feel like you can be open with them around your suicidal thoughts? Its so important you have support.

You are also welcome to contact the SANE Help Centre by phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat (here), or one of the crisis helplines:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

I hope you are able to reach out if you need

@Lilly6 Just take it bit by bit. Try to get to your gp for help. You’ve had so much going one for a while now.

Here for you.

Hi @Lilly6

It is a lot hun. I hope your gp can help ❤️

@Maggie 💞