A stranger to myself. I don't understand.

Hi there!

Just wanted to say, go easy on yourself. Take breaks to breath from time to time. Don't push too hard 🙂 Starting therapy is the first step and a difficult one to take. You are already very brave for doing so.

Hope everything gets better 😄

@Powderfinger Welcome to the forums.

I just want to let you know I hear you.

@sayi Welcome to the forums also.

Welcome to the forums @Powderfinger

and you too @sayi

@Powderfinger I very much hear you.... and can relate to how you are feeling..

I as well of many other wonderful people are here in this forum to listen.... get it out... get it off your chest .... share your thoughts and feelings.... we are here for you

you may not always get a response or answer straight away.... but be comforted knowing someone will be around soon

Hi and welcome, @Powderfinger . It's good you've joined the forums, where you can write how you feel and get some listening ears.

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@Powderfinger wrote:

I still feel immense anger, a lot of uncertainty, no will to try too much with anything, moody, lost, sad, worried, confused, hurt, lonely, alone and no energy for many things that I would fight for or tolerate before.

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I can hear how bad you feel...I really hope you start to feel better soon. Good luck with your upcoming therapy appointment...

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a member's name in the drop-down box, they will get a notification that you're replying to them.

Hi @Powderfinger. It really sucks that you are feeling so awful. I hope being able to express your experience and have some support from this community helps a little bit. I can relate to the idea of feeling like a stranger to yourself.. I've felt it a bit this year at times, it's really weird. For me that feeling always passes and is usually more present when I feel upset about how things are going. But that's just my experience. I hope you find the therapy helpful and keep reaching out.

@sayi thank you.

@Maggie thank you.

@Lostandalone

Thank you. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to write here.

I had a mental breakdown (3rd one this year) because the last eight months I can't even describe. It started on December 1st last year and snowballed from there.

* cut all contact with my mother * younger sister does not speak to me at all since October last year * lost my precious and much loved niece, which really ripped me apart. In short, mother and sister do not encourage her keeping in touch with me. * I have zero family, total zero. That was all I had left* Relocated three times in the last nine months which includes an interstate move, 3000 kilometres away* Just made another big move one month ago today (thankfully this is very permanent) * met my now partner on the very day I cut contact with my mother, although at that stage I did not know we would become a couple* relocated interstate in January of this year, big move, didn't have time to adjust much. About a month later, I got unwell mentally as I was realising the 34 years of abuse from all three family members, mother, father, sister and I just really lost it. I was not in a good place. Managed to get myself together somewhat but don't think I recovered truly. Tried therapy. Had a mental breakdown and just couldn't cope. My partner put me through some hell I did not deserve on top of it so was faced with triggers and I do have C PTSD. I was going to try some other things and then Corona virus hit so that took away a lot of chances for me to get support.

I had a really terrible experience of Facebook bullying by a pack of people in a group. I wasn't coping with the Corona Virus and all the restrictions as many of the things I would do to help me, I couldn't.

So come August, I don't know I just completely broke. I had nothing left. No energy for anything anymore. I was very much just done.

Now, I'm in a position where although I have my partner, that is all I have till therapy starts again. I know I'm not the same anymore and I won't go back to who I was. You just know sometimes. I'm at this pivotal moment in my career that I have worked so hard for and I have had a mental breakdown. I'm not sure what is so hard for people to understand about it. Mental. Breakdown. Kind of self explanatory if you think about it. I'm so tired, it's not a matter of having no strength to fight, it's a matter of being tired of the fight.

@NatureLover

Hi, thank you for the tip. I really do not know what better even means right now. Everything seems to have a need to be defined for me. What feels better than now? I can't even tell. I lost sight of joy, happiness and there seems to such an insurmountable pain and sometimes darkness.

My life and me took a nosedive. I've had to rebuild so many times. I don't want to anymore. The tiredness gets to me. I have professional responsibilities. I own a small business which has demands of it own. I worked hard for it. To lose that would be another devastating blow. It's a rock and a hard place. Needing rest and recovery. My business needs me too. I work for myself as my work does not entail me having to hire others and nor can I for my profession.

I do not have a clue how I'm going to manage or get through.