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Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Unknown userMember05 Aug 2020, 4:17 pm AEST

Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Boundary setting is an important, albeit difficult, part of self-care when a loved one is living with complex mental health challenge. This may be harder and more complex for some than others. By setting boundaries, you are taking responsibility for how others treat you and your own needs seriously.

Join us for a 1.5 hour text-based chat with our special guests ARAFMI as we share ideas as to how we can set boundaries and look after our own mental health whilst caring for loved ones. This all happens on the night, right here in this thread!

Want to receive an email reminder on the night? Hit the 'Support' button below.

_____________________________________________________________________

I'm new here - what is this?

The event runs from 7pm - 8.30pm AEST on the 26th of August. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

How do I get involved?

Our text based event takes place right here! As it is text based, no software is needed. During the session, to keep up with the latest posts hit the 'refresh' button on your browser for the latest posts (it doesn't automatically update). Keep an eye for page numbers at the top & bottom of the page, and jump to the highest page number for the most recent post.

Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

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In response to: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2020, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

The note idea is beautiful! @luckymeaunty thank you so much for sharing with people to pick up as a strategy @Shaz51 Massive theme of balance tonight..

@FindingStrength It sounds like you are very resilient and self-aware, sometimes Help Centres can help with day to day strategies. Good to know they are there either way 🙂

In response to: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

luckymeauntyContributor26 Aug 2020, 7:28 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

It is difficult to say the ‘right thing’ as this could be changing moment to moment.

In response to: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

DamaCasual Contributor26 Aug 2020, 7:28 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Have talked about not being able to be in their position, and that caring doesn't equal understanding, but it still matters. Not talked much about feeling shut out, just welcome the open door when it's there.

In response to: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

FindingStrengthSenior Contributor26 Aug 2020, 7:28 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

A side note - if you go to the options box above the comments & change the order of posts to most recent first then you can stay on page 1. Still have to refresh though

In response to: Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2020, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Great insights everybody! @luckymeaunty @FindingStrength @Dama @Shaz51 @Bron @Anastasia and others 🙂

We better move on to Question Two Often carers find themselves taking on every task for a loved one. Whilst the intent is beautiful, it's important those living with complex mental health also get a chance to exercise different skills and self accountabilities.

How do you know when it’s the right time to empower your loved one to take on further tasks in their recovery? I.e. booking their own appointments, follow up with their support coordinator themselves? etc...

In response to: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

BronContributor26 Aug 2020, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Setting and maintaining boundaries is hard. It helps to have a friend or counsellor to talk to or coach you about putting boundaries in place.

In response to: Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2020, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Wonderful tip @FindingStrength 🙂 Thank you!

@Dama "welcome the open door when it's there". Thank you for this.. I think you're spot on. Sometimes sitting alongside someone, even if we cannot fully understand, is the most compassionate thing we can do in that moment.

In response to: Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

BronContributor26 Aug 2020, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

To answer your question Nashy, mental illnesses are often episodic, so there is no ‘right time.’ A person can be clear and capable on on some days and not on others. Keep talking with the person so that you can find out (and not assume) how they are doing. A suggestion is to make an agreement with the person, to let you know when they need help and when they can resume responsibility.

In response to: Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

luckymeauntyContributor26 Aug 2020, 7:34 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Talk to them about it. Ask if they would like you to continue to do xyz. I sometimes break a task into smaller portions and my loved on may take on part of a task, and then gradually more pieces of the tasks. Checking in over time. Asking if there is a different way we could be doing something etc

In response to: Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

FindingStrengthSenior Contributor26 Aug 2020, 7:34 pm AEST

Re: Online Event // Setting Boundaries as a Carer - with ARAFMI // Weds Aug 26th, 7-8.30pm AEST

Gosh thanks @Former-Member I'm certainly trying hard & constantly working on myself so that I don't react to her reactions. Recognising & forgiving my own childhood conditioning - like onion layers.

Recently, I realised that I actually can't prevent my daughter from doing some things & that its not logical, reasonable or helpful to try to wrap her in cotton wool. Obviously, I try to reduce risks, but sometimes experience is the most effective teacher hey...

I'm finding that somehow, I'm slowly being able to gain some boundaries now that I am getting braver at allowing the reactions to come.

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