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Lee71Senior Contributor
Don't know How to tag by tahts ok. Km so very tired, but still sleep avoids me. I never feel safe, not in my surrounding, paranoia how the list goes on . Only neescti this for tthe next few days.
In response to: My only safe place aka my fortress
Emelia8Senior Contributor
Okay, all good @Lee71 💜
Although I will point out that words are rarely worthless. And I have a feeling that on the rare occasion you ever open up ... your words will be very valuable and worthy of note. :ok_hand:🌷
Em 🌸🍃
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Lee71Senior Contributor
@Emelia8 I very rarely open up or say how Bad it really is.
With @NatureLover I do a little and she knows me.
But I keep most of it inside.
I've been seeing my therapist for 10 months and I am only slowly starting to tell him things, little things.
How I feel right now, my words nothing. I just feel nothing.
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Emelia8Senior Contributor
Yes I understand all that @Lee71 and I'm really sorry its all so difficult.
I saw my current clinical psychologist for almost 2 years before I finally learned to trust her enough to start to open up just a little. In real life ... I am very quiet. Always painfully shy as a kid, and never really grew out of it I guess.
I initially started seeing my psych for pain management, which she specialised in. Along with her other speciality of trauma related disorders, which I didnt know at the time.
Anyway I happened to see her on the anniversary of a violent sexual assault against me. I ended up breaking down and making a complete dill of myself. Basically a curled up ball in the corner of the room, and refusing to talk.
She asked some pointed questions and got mute nods or shakes of the head in response. So she eventually dug enough to uncover some of what had occurred years earlier. So after that, the emphasis was more centred on trauma therapy. She eventually got enough info out of me to diagnose ptsd.
I had CBT, Prolonged Exposure Therapy and EMDR all with her. I've been seeing her now for about 8 years all up. On average I would see her once every 3-4 weeks. I could never have done those therapies without I already had a sound trust and respect for her.
But even now ... I often still go mute, and just cannot vocalise things.
I still keep a lot inside too. Although I find I can open up here on the forums. My psych actually recommended I join the forums for exactly that reason ... to learn to open up. I think its important.
I really respect and admire the friendship and trust that you share here with @NatureLover .
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Lee71Senior Contributor
@Emelia8 sounds like you have been through a lot too much. Im sorry you had to go through those things.
And I m sorry for right now.
Things are just , they suck. I might walk and try and clear my head and I will be back, it's nothing you said it's just been ahard day for me.
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Emelia8Senior Contributor
Sorry @Lee71 for slow response. I dozed off watching tele. Was heading to bed, but never got there. Now that I'm awake again, I am going to bed now.
There is no need for you to be sorry. You are not the cause of any of my troubles. 🌺
Yeah sometimes things just suck ... they really do. I wish your life were easier, and you had not suffered the devastating losses that you have. I wish you could find some inner peace and happiness now, in spite of everything. I hope your therapist finds a way through for you.
I hope if you end up going for that walk, that you are able to clear your head and think clearly. I 'get' the hard day. Please never feel obliged to say more than you are comfortable, and never feel you have to be here for any reason other than that you WANT to be here.
Take care on your walk, and I hope we can talk tomorrow, if you'd like to.
Emelia 💖
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Emelia8Senior Contributor
Good morning @Lee71 ☀💗 I hope you have managed to get at least a few hours sleep. Although I note you have decisions to make, and that can result in an over active mind. Is there a timeline on these decisions that you need to meet? I hope you can maintain a clear head, so you can make the right decision for you.
Good morning @NatureLover 💕
Emelia 🌸
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
NatureLoverSenior Contributor
Good morning, @Emelia8 🙂
@Emelia8 wrote:I initially started seeing my psych for pain management, which she specialised in. Along with her other speciality of trauma related disorders, which I didnt know at the time.
I think this is so fortunate, that your psychologist is such a good fit.
@Emelia8 wrote:Although I find I can open up here on the forums. My psych actually recommended I join the forums for exactly that reason ... to learn to open up.
I think this is great, and it's obviously working 🙂
In response to: My only safe place aka my fortress
NatureLoverSenior Contributor
Hi, Lee...am wondering how much sleep you managed to get last night...
@Lee71 wrote:I think that words for me are now worthless.
I was sorry to read this 😞
I think you might be on your way to your doctor's appointment, if it's still at 10.45...please take care while out 
@Lee71
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Lee71Senior Contributor
@Emelia8 morning
In response to: Re: My only safe place AKA my fortress
Lee71Senior Contributor
@NatureLover morning. Im heading there now yes .
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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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