Stopping medication

Oh @Former-Member, sorry- I must've read that wrong. I didn't realise you were talking specifically about the system. I was meaning generally, seniors have a lot of wisdom and insight to offer. I agree that systems can be tough to navigate sometimes- you're certainly not alone there either! I hope something is able to be worked out soon so you're able to access the support you're looking for and deserve.

no no I wasn't having a go at you @TideisTurning and do appreciate your support. My life is winding down I guess. Coming to terms with that is hard 💙

Hey @Former-Member

It is great you have had respite from SI and even thinking about going off meds. Isn't it tricky when people around hold opposing views? Best approach is work with your own thoughts, feelings and processes. It is important to break up the issues to give you clarity, whether it is low mood or suicidal thoughts, or what psychological strategies might help.

I second @Smc 's comments.

Personally I have been trying to get off antidep for 25 years and am on very low doses, but still not feeling secure enough to go totally without meds.

Take Care and dont give yourself a hard time, cos life does that on its own. Yes being able to grow your creative side has many positive spin offs.

Apple

Hi @Former-Member !

Well...I'm taking my med reduction very very very slowly.

Until I was stable, I didn't dare change my antidepressant.

As a borderline, my first step was to develop the strategies I needed to "function". Prior to this, I stayed away from people, cried every day, SH continuously, wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating properly, hated life, hated people....I was an angry angry person! The antidepressants made a world of difference, but this was coupled with talking therapy. By this time, I was also on anti-anxiety meds to help with the insomnia - worked a treat with the sleep, but didn't it didn't teach me HOW to sleep - it just knocked me out.

Over time, there were subtle behavioural changes. In retrospect, my mindset was changing, and I developed a reportoire of skills to help me cope with every day challenges.

After noticing I was able to cope with a lot more things, I had a change in medication so this different one didn't 'knock' me out to sleep. This was when I had informal sleep training. It took over a year, and I'm still relearning to sleep. Having done that, I am now further reducing this dose. I'm am taking it ever so slowly so as not to upset the equilibrium.

So currently, I'm still on my antidepressant and also anti-anxiety med. I envisage weaning off all meds, but because I'm so well now, I'm not rushing it. I started a lower dose of my anti-anxiety med only last week - there have been a few physical symptoms, but otherwise, no change.

My next steps are reducing my anti-anxiety further until I'm totally off that. Then I'm going to work on the antidepressant. I give it about 6 months in between each change so I can monitor mood changes etc.

I see myself taking several years to come off meds completely. After 15 years of BPD trauma, I'm NOT prepared to go back into that dark space. I'd rather take it slowly. I think I should also mention, suicidal ideation is a diagnostic criterion for BPD. People diagnosed with BPD often do have thoughts of suicide. Therefore, I know my suicidal thoughts are chronic and not affected by meds. I also know I'm not going to act on them. That means, I am not using suicidal ideation as a reason to stay on my meds.

@Former-Member , take it slowly, whatever you do. Monitor yourself and your own condition. You know best. Medically, I can get off all my meds in 2-3 weeks, but I'm choosing to do it over a few years.

Whatever you chose, stay in touch 😉

And yes @Former-Member , I totally love every day of every moment in life, including all its ups and downs and round n' rounds! I NEVER thought I'd ever get out of my depressed BPD hole, but Voila! Here's loving proof that it's possible!

BPDSurvivor

@TideisTurning , thanks for re-tagging. I definitely didn't receive the first tag.

Thanks @BPDSurvivor @Appleblossom @TideisTurning @TideisTurning

Thanks for your reply, it's hard to trust one's own judgement when the tools used are those in question. Thinking I'll shelve the idea for now. But it's really good to have someone to bounce ideas off, ta 💗

@Former-Member ,

I think it's great you are thinking ahead as to what you'd like to work towards.

What an awesome start!

BPDSurvivor

Yeah @Former-Member, the news is an ugly place at the moment. Bed sounds good.

It's been raining on and off here, but we had a telehealth psych appointment at 9:00, so we're up and about. But we were finishing breakfast while we talked to her. 😛 Gonna be good all round when it's back to face to face appointments. Expression etc. conveys as much as words... maybe more.

Great cartoon @Smc

@Former-Member

It is very sad to lose the company of family, but if they are not support, they are not support. Despite all the religious or moral compelling to care for family, from what you have described, some of your family are too damaged to get through to .... and have a level of adult reciprocal communication ....and some are too successful to get through to ....and most of them their defences up in different ways...some more socially acceptable than others but still dysfunctional as a family.

I see it as part of the pushing of competition generally over collaboration. If the 'successful' sides of our families were not so defensive of their success at the expense and rejection of those in lesser social/financial positions there would be a lot less pain ... all round.

Your sensitive side needs protection, cocooning from negative onslaught, calming down from the loss and questioning of grief, and re-orienting to your current life circumstances. Your creative side continually shines forth and it would be good somehow to find a way to soothe your sadness and not get into the blame game, of you or others. Sons are the next generation no matter what they or we do. Dont read your self esteem into his messages positive or negative.

After going through all the yo yo of emotions, we can only steer our own boat through the storm. We are both older woman with some resources and have a responsibility to keep modelling our best decisions and way of life ... til the end. Yes I am getting stronger about my SI but can never be complacent or cocky to think I have conquered it. The damage to me went very deep and it takes a lot of prayer and quiet to keep cruising on an even keel.

Cheers @Smc @PlantLover @BPDSurvivor @TideisTurning

Book I am reading atm

I would not have survived at all if I had been too open to toxic comments or attitudes. I simply would have been too agitated to drive or function and an accident would have been likely if I did. I try and find images from nature to help. The coccoon is such a powerful one for me.

Take Care ALL

Apple