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The strain of having social anxiety

kellCasual Contributor25 July 2016, 7:25 pm AEST

The strain of having social anxiety

Ok I saw an ad on TV for this website for the first time yesterday.

Seeing as I have a serious case of social anxiety I thought I’d take a look.

Now here I am posting something.

I am feeling extremely isolated and would gladly like to read about someone else’s personal experience that they are currently having with social anxiety especially if it is an even more severe case than mine. The reason being that I want to feel that my symptoms are actually normal for someone with the disorder.

Here are some of my symptoms –

I purposely avoid contact with people & live an extremely isolated lifestyle.

I have no friends & contact with family is virtually non-existent.

I’m an extremely private person.

I live in a country city and many people know each other.

I never go outside to the front of my house in daytime in case I bump into a neighbour or passer-by.

I know that I need to exercise for my own physical wellbeing so daily I drive in my car approx 2 klms to somewhere away from my house and then go for a walk in streets where no neighbours or people will see or recognize me.

I’ve lived in this neighbourhood for 2 years but have purposely never spoken to anyone that lives in my street.

At night I go for a walk from my house, because it is dark.

I have my meals delivered and I only shop for other groceries when I really need them. My only interaction with anyone is to the checkout operator.

My contact with the outside world is via the internet and whilst the event was running I followed the Tour de France cycling on twitter and by watching the event on TV.

I have a kind of carer female friend acquaintance that contacts me once a week for catch up coffee or lunch at a cafe and I look forward to having that contact.

About every 3 weeks I have a counselling session with a psychologist. I don’t feel I am achieving much by going to those sessions and even feel I am going backwards. Medicare only cover about 10 sessions per year & I’ve almost used up my quota.

This solitary lifestyle has been in existence for about 2 years since a relationship break up and I am now beginning to feel the strain and there are some symptoms of depression beginning to appear as well. I’d like to break the cycle and have attempted doing some outings where there are people but for days afterwards the anxiety level ramps up even worse. So I back-off doing them.

There’s more I could write to example my case but now it might make me feel a bit better if I could read of your social anxiety especially if your symptoms happen to be even crazier than mine.

19 replies

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In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

RedrawSenior Contributor25 July 2016, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

I can relate to a lot if not all of what you said, though I have overcome some bits and pieces by repetition and moved back to my home town for the safety and knowledge of my surroundings, people still know me but that comes with country towns everyone knows everyone, luckily most houses around me are holiday houses so most of the time I need not worry much about seeing people, and being off season I could walk the beaches for days without seeing anyone. Though I haven't in awhile, I go to the shops avoiding most people is fairly easy occasionally I bump into someone I know but usually it's just "hi" the end but it's taken a lot to get this far, many many setbacks and more than one person is to much and depending on the person one can be a lot to many.

i was agoraphobic for a long time before this but I fought and I fought and continue to fight it's a hard battle but I gotta believe I can win

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

pipSenior Contributor25 July 2016, 8:26 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hi Kell. It seems as though your inability to 'connect' with anyone is mainly through your fear of acceptance, or lack of feeling you are as good as everyone else. Breaking up a relationship can be traumatic whether we break it, or the other person breaks. If the other person breaks, we often feel as though they've broken because we don't 'measure' up. This knocks us and getting back into 'life' can be hard when our life has consisted of two people. If you have not discussed this with your psych, may I ask what you do discuss with her/him? If you broke the relationship, perhaps you felt, again, that you were dragging him/her down and you broke to set your partner free. Have you tried making a list of your assets personality-wise. For instance, when you smile, is it an open friendly smile. When you talk to the check-out operator, do you look at her, or do you look elsewhere. Eye contact is important for maintaining friendship. As I said, do a check of the things I mentioned, if you are unable to look and smile, try smiling at your reflection. I realize how hard that is, but when we smile, our eyes soften and we give out a friendly, relaxed air that people want to respond to.

In response to: Re: The strain of having social anxiety

BlueBellsSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 2:46 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hi @kell 🙂

I just saw the ad you mentioned. I've been here a while, but still don't come on often.

I hope you find the site good. It is helpful to talk with people who really understand what you are going through, they often have workable advice.

Check out the Beer Garden. You might like that 😉

In response to: Re: The strain of having social anxiety

plasmoSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 10:08 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

i can relate to some of that, i've made quite a bit if progress through gradually exposing myself to situations and realising that my anxieties werenlt really based in reality

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

TABSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 5:12 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hi.. I have done similar things for years re shopping being an outing. One time I recall finding GP who was willing to do counselling. Started walking more and more regularly. Went to uni. Completed a degree. I still struggle, especially now, but I managed to function more often than not over last 20yrs.
I do recall checking mailbox in darkness as didn't want to be seen. Is there anyone else you can talk with? I had a cat over worst ten years that helped immeasurably

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

TABSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 5:17 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

I did a CBT group at same time. That helped

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

TABSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 9:27 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hey you :-).. talk to me..

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

BridgetjonesSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 10:24 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hi Kell, Good on you for having the courage to write about your experiences of social phobia. I feel for you as Ive also been affected by it for many years to varying degrees. Have been friendless for many years. and it has made it hard to find a total cure Ive discovered. I am here for you if you want a chat.
Bridgetjones

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

TrappedCasual Contributor26 Aug 2016, 10:29 am AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

Hey Kell

I have just joined this forum and had to reply to your post when I read it. I too suffer from social phobia/anxiety and haven't been able to sustain a relationship for decades not 2 years. Maybe this will make you feel that 2 years is not so long. I am unable to go to the shops or appointments unaccompanied and feel awkward and extremely uncomfortable even exchanging niceities with strangers. I feel like I am being judged and because I am unable to work or do these things I feel I have nothing to offer. I have no chidren although in my 40's and never met the right person when I was younger and haven't been out to meet anyone in many many years. I too sometimes get to the stage where I won't leave the house for days on end and get my food delievered and only attend to grocery shopping with milk and bread and things like that. I started walking (accompanied) as I am overweight and heard that exercise can help with anxiety. I was going really well. The first time I freaked out and had a panic attack, then I didn't leave the house for days. The second time was a real challenge and the 3rd and 4th but no panic attack. Then when I have a break from it I get the same thing even when there are no people around. I feel self conscious and feel like people are laughing at me. Sometimes I am so paralysed with fear I won't answer the telephone or door. I am always on edge. I would like to correspond with you Kell maybe we can help one another. I look forward to hearing more about you and your struggles. Welcome to the forum.

In response to: The strain of having social anxiety

etherial2Contributor26 Aug 2016, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: The strain of having social anxiety

You're not alone. My psych educated me last year that avoiding things makes them harder & harder to face. Increases the anxiety. Sure didn't feel that way hiding in my box peeping out the windows. But its true as others have said, we have to

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