Changing meds

Hi beautiful L, it's good to see you.

You are not "sooking" I agree whilst it is a step in the right direction still a loooooooong way to go if it doesn't really change things for you. Shame hon. I am sorry you still have a lot of pain, that would definitely bring me down. What is the next plan as far as relief goes? Do you have another appointment booked?

I am ok, my boy is doing ok but such a long way to go. Every day brings a different persona so I really never know what to expect until the day is upon me. Part of the reason why I need to go back to the office more often that not. Today he is still in bed now and it is noon. I should be concentrating on my work and I can't. Apart from jumping up and down and screaming to get him up I am at a loss as to what to do. My other son lost his job due to covid, he is also still in bed. It is very demoralising and not healthy for me to be here. I just feel like a complete failure as a mother. 😞

@WIP

Oh @Anastasia why do you feel like a failure as a mother - you're a great mother. You do so much for your boys and love them dearly.

I understand what you mean with not knowing what you are going to get from your son each day, as I experience that too with my depression and physical health issues. I HATE it! Some mornings I wake up in pain, some full of anxiety, some sad, some constipated (my bad tummy issues) and some days it's all of those things. Covid has made all of these symptoms so much worse. It'd be nice to have a couple of 'okish' consecutive days. I have a little hope the new medication is helping a little bit, as I'm not as tearful everyday.

Do you have set days in the office? Is there the opportunity to increase them, if you feel it's better for you?

L xx

I don't know @WIP

I have come off social media as I see others "kids" doing this, doing that and mine not. I feel as if I had been a better parent (sliding door situation) that my boys would be better off, succeeding in life, kicking lots of goals. I feel like I failed them not providing them with the guidance that I should have due to my own shortfalls and whilst I have always done my best with the tools I have and loved them unconditionally that was just not enough. I spoke at length with my therapist, put my hand up and admitted that due to being a single mum and the guilt that I carried for choosing to leave their father rather than staying in a toxic relationship I tried to overcompensate and in turn be their best friend rather than a leader and a parent. We are very close but I should have simply said no more often set more boundaries, taught them to be more self sufficient. Instead I did everything for them and now I am seeing the result crystal clearly in my oldest who is not driven to get work, has no desire to even get out of bed. Working from home just puts it in my face and today I feel at breaking point...again. As far as going back to work, they want me back in a heartbeat, My boss is beautiful and I honestly don't know why I even have a job anymore. I manage the facility but seriously I am not even there so he deserves a medal to allow me to have pushed the boundaries and still be working from home 3 out of 5 days.

My head is telling me just to go back but I can't bring myself to, even today I had planned to but just couldn't. I have told him I will go in on Tuesdays so I drag myself there every Tuesday, not sure what to do really around getting back there. Sorry L it's so much info.

Going back to you I am so glad the new medication is helping a little bit, and you aren't as tearful everyday, I hope me talking to you doesn't add to bringing you down. Please tell me to shut up if it does. I would understand if you do, I would still love you L 🙂 xox

Hi @Anastasia ,

I also want to reiterate what @WIP has mentioned earlier, is that you are a great mother who loves your boys very much

I am glad to hear you have spoken to your therapist about your feelings. I find it helpful to unpack certain feelings and thoughts with somebody who understands. So, I hope it was helpful for you too. Please know that we are all here for you on the forums And besides your therapist and the forums, you can also talk to one of our counselors at the SANE Help Centre as well.

Take care 🌻

Thank you @Former-Member

perhaps I should today. although I just keep crying so really don't know how I string a sentence together xxx

Dear @Anastasia

Firstly, what you have shared is not too muh info for me and hasn't bought me down. I'm care about you and worried that you are being too hard on yourself. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, or the perfect child.

Being a single Mum, bringing up boys in particular must be so challenging. But you did the right thing by leaving a toxic relationship, so you and your boys would have a better life.

It's never too late to introduce new boundaries for your son's, but I'm sure it will be difficult. Is this something you can speak to your therapist about, in regards to getting some advice. I don't have kids, so can't offer any advice there, I'm sorry.

I recall you saying previously that usually when your son comes back from his father's, it usually ends up in a hospital admission. But, you're saying he's going ok (just won't get out of bed at the moment), so that's good that he isn't as bad as in the past.

Your other son may be feeling deflated about losing his job due to covid. When I was made redundant, it broke my heart, hit my confidence and I didn't have much motivation to start looking for work again for a little while. He may have a mindset that 'I won't get another job, so why bother trying?' Have you spoken to him about not looking for work yet, to find out if there's some underlying fear, and not just laziness.

I feel it would benefit you to try and get to the office a little more often than you do. Is there the chance to WFH in the mornings, and go into the office after lunch for example?, before committing to being in the office for 3 out of 5. You're extremely lucky to have such a supportive boss.

Don't ever shut up - keep posting, I enjoy chatting with you. Not sure I offer the best advice, but I'm always here to listen.

L xx

You are such a beautiful soul L, thank you xxxx

I really appreciate being able to talk to you. You do give good advice. 🙂

My therapist has suggested ways to introduce new boundaries and I am definitely intending on implementing them. I spoke to my boy on the weekend and said to him how I had let them down because I do too much (washing was the example) and he said no way have you let us down, I know how to do washing it's just I don't cause you do it for me lol. Funny how differently we perceive things. I intend on chatting to each of them about the expectations I have for the good of them/me. I want them to be independant confident and capable.

Yes my boy is definitely much better this time coming back home than ever before and no hospital admission so you are right. I do need to focus on the positives. He even spent some time out on the weekend with friends and coped really well which gave my bf and I time just us which we haven't had in months/years.

I am sure you are also correct about my other son feeling deflated about losing his job due to covid. I have spoken to him but perhaps I need to ask him more why he is not motivated rather than just telling him to get motivated. You have provided me with such good insight L, thank you!!!!

Anyway enough about me beautiful. Did you end up looking into the diamond painting? How is little Levi, has he fully recovered after his op? Its overcast here today what's it like there? @WIP

I'm sorry to read that you are teary today dear @Anastasia It's so awful when you can't control them and they just keep on rolling. I've called the Helpline when I've been a blubbering mess, and they are very patient and good at calming you down. So, maybe if you're up to it a little later, give them a buzz. It can't do any harm.

Hahaha, that's funny you say that about the washing and your son. My Mum did all my washing when I still lived at home in my 20s. If she had said to me, it's time you started doing your own laundry, I would have. But, she was happy doing it, so I just let her. I always did my ironing though - didn't like her ironing skills too much, and I was always very fussy about my work clothes looking right

I think your upcoming chat with them around expectations of each other, will go better than you think. Focus on those words you've mentioned - confident and capable young men. That you believe they can and will be. And together you'll all work towards a compromise.

I'm glad your boy spent some time out with his friends and coped really well, but even more pleased it gave you and your bf some time by yourselves to enjoy each other - that's great!

Little Levi is fine, he's was bouncing around the next day after surgery, I just had to try and keep him calm so he didn't pop a stitch. I haven't looked into the Diamond Painting - my memory is terrible lately. I need to write myself little notes all the time to remember things. So, I might look into that today as it's fresh in my mind. I'm pretty sure I will enjoy doing them. It's pretty overcast here today too, and a bit cool. Looking forward to some more sunny spring days ahead..

Hi @BPDSurvivor

What have you got planned for our new 25km limit of freedom? Will you go and visit your nephew?

I can't believe the amount of traffic back on the roads with school back....what's your teavwl

time to work each day?

Yes you are strong @Anastasia

Keep reminding yourself of that & that you've survived every bad day you've had thus far and will continue to survive and good days will appear.