Changing meds

This morning has been a unexpected one - I didn't think I'd sleep so restless & wake so emotional.

I thought I coped ok with Ollie's anniversary y'day, but subconsciously I haven't. Grief and the feeling of loss is so predominant today.

I miss my Dad, I miss my job, I miss earning money of my own &

being independent. I miss Ollie, I miss my nephew & niece, I miss the house I grew up in that we had to sell. Most of all, I miss feeling remotely well. Well enough to function ok consecutive days in a row. Covid restrictions suck! They have taken such a toll.

I'd had a few days without tears, which was great progress for me. Now, I'm back in that dark, hopeless place.

Sorry, rant over.

Oh sweetheart all very valid reasons to be feeling the way you do. I am sorry, so much to grieve for. The fact that you are still standing is a testament to how bloody awesome and resilient you are. I admire you so much.

💞 Sending you love and hugs xxx

This should make you giggle...my appointment is tomorrow so all the anxiety and running back and forth to the toilet all morning was not necessary. Guess I'll do it all again tomorrow!!

@WIP and Levi 💞🐕

Haha. How'd you get the appt day/time wrong my dear friend @Anastasia Actually, I can appreciate how easy it would have been, with so much going on. I remember i arrived for an 8am appt at my previous psychiatrist appt, not realising till half an hour I'd made an error. I was so desperate to see him. Lucky his receptionist was t there that early to make my embarrassment worse.

I truely hope you aren't so anxious tomorrow in the lead up to your appt. You've gone thru all that today.

I feel so weak, that I've lost the plot again. Am crying as I write to you. When can I get back to my resilient, capable, rational individual again. People go through much worse than I have, and are ok - I'm weak, not positive in my outlook & have no hope for a comfortable future - I'm 45 yo & 'wasted' the past 10 years due to my mental health as my limited family (& myself) continually remind me. It's very difficult being on your own.

What future do I have??

Hey there @WIP,

I'm sorry the grief and loss feels intense today. I also find it odd how it functions in unexpected ways.

I hope you're giving yourself permission to feel it and that you get some respite soon.

Sitting with you,

Sphinxly 🐣

Oh sweetheart you are definitely not weak.

It saddens me that your family tell you this. Not at all helpful. In fact in angers me. My boy has the same with his father and stepmother. Mi is so misunderstood.

Please speak kindly to yourself. I'm here with you as are your forum family holding your hand. You will see the light it's just a way off for now. All of your losses are bound to make you feel this way. Please reach out to lifeline if you need to hun? Please know you are not alone. I love you and look forward to walking our path together 💞🌼🌺🌸❣️

@WIP

@BPDSurvivor

@Appleblossom

@Emelia8

BIG HUGS @WIP ,

You seem to be grieving for something you already have! You ARE resilient, capable and rational. These characteristics don't just 'go away' because you have a low period. They make you who you are. Now, it is about taking hold of the arrows you have in your quiver and using them to take you over this dip in your MH.

We are with you in this. I always thought I'd wasted 15 years of my life struggling with BPD. If I continue to dwell on these 'wasted' 15 years, I would not be able to move forward. Now it is about what you can do to better yourself for tomorrow. There is no reverse gear in life. If possible, it would be good to change the past, but it's not possible. Work with what you are able - the NOW.

Once again, my sincere HUGS to you because I see the huge progress you have made. Continue to rise up to the challenge and give yourself the chance you deserve.

xoxoxoxox

BPDSurvivor

@BPDSurvivor ❣️ amen

@WIP thinking of you. Finally about to get out of the office. Home to cook tacos and see what awaits :face_with_rolling_eyes:❣️

@Anastasia @BPDSurvivor

Such supportive, caring advice! Thank you so very much ❣️❣️

I do think I've wasted the past 10 years of my life (pushing ppl away, just exisiting, not engaging in new r'ships - all because I'm petrified). My family don't rub it in my face of wasting time, they try to use it as motivation - you say it better though BPDsurvivor - there's no reverse gear in life.
I spent way too much time thinking and dwelling on the past, convincing myself things will never improve - I've got to past to prove it! So I don't think too far into the future, cause I'll just be let down. If it's one thing, it's another - but I guess that's just the waves of life.

I need to give myself more credit. I am doing a bit better. Ollie's anniversary biughtbup feelings of all the other loss/grief from last year and being stuck

in bloomin covid restrictions, I feel trapped to be able to move forward.

Thank you for being here for me, especially when you've got your own challenges.

Good Luck with your appt today @Anastasia

And Happy Friday to you @BPDSurvivor - a big week back at work. That you may be glad is over now.

L xxx

@WIP just sending love before I hibernate for the night. My appointment went well. Brought on the tears as always but I feel really positive that I can follow through with her advice. I'm beyond drained now after the week and then the appointment. Tomorrow we are visiting my bf's family. Super excited as we haven't seen them for months. So some pizza, r n r tonight and an early one. I hope you are doing ok. I look forward catching up on your news. Love and hugs 💞

@BPDSurvivor I hope you can put your feet up too tonight x

Hello dear Em. How are you holding up beautiful?

@Emelia8