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Something’s not right

Changing meds

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

2972 replies

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In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Yes, I think everyone in Melbourne will be having a quiet weekend, @WIP . I just went grocery shopping and there weren't many people around. It's a beautiful day right now, but I just checked and showers are forecast for the next 7 days...I hope you can get some walks in.

Thanks, I had a good night, I hope you did too.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

My sad, dark existence....

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

I can't handle these lows anymore.

I'm exhausted from feeling so sad, hopeless, teary and alone.

I'm losing patience and hope that life will improve - it's not going to. Medication isn't helping & I'm a prisoner in my home. This isn't living, it's existing and a shit existence at that. I don't want it. I've got nothing to live for.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Oh, @WIP ...it sounds like you've had an especially bleak 24 hours. I am so sorry to hear. I can hear that lockdown is very tough on you, on top of what you're already suffering. 😞

I honestly think things can and will improve, but I know that's no good to you right now, lost in the dark pit.

Thinking of you and sending wishes for that spark of hope, and strength to get through till things change for the better...

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hi @WIP ,

Hope you are feeling somewhat better this late arvo. I've just sent you a private email as I'm feeling a bit concerned after your last post. Myself and the entire SANE community are here for you.

Kindest regards and best wishes,


Otter

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Just dropping in to say hello @WIP

Hope I am not interrupting, but I can relate to a lot of what you post about, except I am more a night person. It has been a huge thing for me to be able to settle by taking meds around 9 ish and getting regular sleep, and most importantly of all, not panicking that I will sleep in and miss things, it took a long time before I could undo some of my hypervigilance and let go and trust in my own rhythm. Really, years of working at it. I can also relate to the feeling of working all day just to keep my head above water.

I am a Melb person, so in lockdown. My saving has been doing different projects in the home, but somehow I had to go through a very Long Dark Night of the Soul to manage any respite and peace. Getting on. Old Grey Mare now ... lol

Hugs.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hello @Appleblossom , no of course you're not interrupting. It's nice to hear from you and the similar troubles you have with sleep, keeping your head above water and managing the lockdown we are experiencing.

I hope you continue to do well.

Best

WIP

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thanks @NatureLover for your kind words and thoughts.

Not feeling very hopeful or strong, but I'm still here and have almost made it through another day.

xx

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

You have! Well done, and well done for still being here

@WIP

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

It's such a battle though @NatureLover

I HATE how depression makes me feel. I can't keep going for much longer & to be honest, I don't want to keep going like this. These new meds better start making a small improvement soon, or I don't know how I'll get through each day. It's torture.

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