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Changing meds

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

2972 replies

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In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

New day @WIP hoping it's an ok one for you. We got this 🤗

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thanks for the encouragement @Bow

We can do this!!

I hope you were able to get some sleep.

I've got my DBT class this morning - bit anxious about it.....deep breaths.

Will be leaving soon. I hope there's a bit of sparkle in your day. xx

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

You got this @WIP!! keen to hear about your class when you have finished.

I slept okish, but felt really tired this morning and didn't want to get up. But ive been on the treadmill this morning, dropped daughter off at school and just done a work out. Will shower and head to my gp appointment soon and then seeing a friend.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

You've got so much done already this morning - good on you!!

I wish I had a treadmill at home.

Wishing you all the best for your GP appt 🤞

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hey L, popping in to see how DBT went?

@WIP

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hey lovely @Anastasia , how's your holiday going? Getting plenty of R & R and quality time with your parents, I hope.

Class went well y'day thanks. I was quite nervous going in, as I've missed the first two classes. But, I settled down quickly and enjoyed being around people and participating in conversations etc.

The topic was Mindfulness, which I've struggled with in the past - so I thought. I was doing it right, just putting high expectations on myself to be mindful for long periods of time. However, we were taught that even 60 secs to start with it ok. And work yourself up to longer periods of time.

I mindfully brushed my teeth this morning, so I can tick off my homeswork for today ✔️
The next 2 weeks cover Emotion Regulation - I'm really looking forward to that.

I hope your boy is doing ok without you.

Thanks so much for checking in, you're so thoughtful. xx

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Oh @WIP

That all sounds just perfect. Isn't it funny how we expect so much of ourselves. Good on you for the mindfulness teeth brushing. 💞

I'm off to brekkie, yes lots of everything. Way too much food. I better fly, sending you love and thinking of you and Levi xox

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hi there @WIP 😊🌸

I'm so pleased to hear that you finally made it to your group class. And even more importantly that you felt comfortable and enjoyed the interaction with other attendees. This is going to be so good for you, I can feel it in my bones. 💓

I'm with you ... mindfulness seems to be beyond me most of the time. I have tried, but just cannot seem to get the hang of it. But perhaps I'm making the common mistake of putting too high a expectation on myself too. Start with one minute and work up from there ... definitely a goal to aim for. Well done with the mindful teeth clean this morning, and for ticking off your to do homework for the day. The emotional regulation sounds interesting for your upcoming weeks, and I expect it will prove very beneficial. How many are there in your group?

I'm guessing that the headaches and bruising from your fall has largely resolved by now? Or at least that the bruising is able to be disguised to an acceptable level.

Certainly your morning post sounds much more positive than on any other day over the past week or two. Definitely a positive.

Hi also to @Anastasia ... sounds like your day yesterday was full and fun. Hopefully your Boy is also doing a little better in your absence. Although it sounds like he is still contacting you by phone regularly and often. At least you know he's okay. I hope you have another lovely day today. Only a few more days left, so try to make the most of your time away. Its going to be hot here today, and expect it will be for most of NSW. Perhaps a good day for a lounge around the pool. But try not to get sunburnt.

Good day to you @Bow ... hope you're okay sweetie.

Emelia 💕🤗

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Afternoon @Emelia8

How has your day been going? I hope you aren't too tired or in pain from your treatment.

Thank you, I think this group class is going to be good for me too. I enjoyed being around and interacting with people yesterday (as nervous as I was beforehand). My concentration is a bit off, so sometimes I didn't follow and keep up with all that the instructor was saying - but I took plenty of notes and will go over them in the coming days.

There was 12 of us in the group - a nice size. All females, except one young guy. It was his first session attending the group too, and I caught up with him during the break and he said how nervous he was also. I must admit, I felt a little old as a majority of the attendees would be late 20s, early 30s maybe. But, oh well, we are all there because we are unwell and need help/support and I'm just probably overthinking it.

Em, I have always been a people person. I would talk to anyone about anything. Always a popular team member of where ever I worked. People would joke and say "L says hello to the person standing next to her while waiting at the lights to cross the road". But it was true. I'm so personable and used to really enjoy being around people. It was a good reminder yesterday of how I used to feel.

Unfortunately I'm still suffering from headaches after my fall. I wake up with a headache, which isn't a good sign. I still have a bump (or a little divot on my forehead) and it hurts to touch, but I can't help but gently rub my fingers over it during the day. The bruising is pretty much gone, just a tiny bit under my eyes - that makes me look like I've got bags under my eyes. But, I do hope that will fade quickly. I plan to go back to the bulk bill GP I saw when I first injured myself. I've been researching though that suffering even a slight concussion can take weeks for headaches to cease - so maybe it's a wait and see thing.

I hope you are feeling ok today - emotionally and physically. I also hope that little Holly is ok tomorrow (I'll be thinking of you both). I'm sure you've made the right decision to have her operated on and she'll recover well and be with you for a long time to come.

Hugs,

WIP & Levi 🤗💖

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

My day has been pretty slow today thanks @WIP 😊

The group you are in, sounds good. It really doesnt matter that most of the other members of the group are quite young. As you say, you are all there for the same reason ... to seek help and support. That is a pretty major common denominator.

I'm glad the group yesterday has reminded you of what a genuinely personable and lovely person you are. You have been very isolated for quite some time now, which is difficult for you. So to finally be back in a place (amongst people) where you used to be very comfortable, must feel like coming home.

I'm sorry that some of the concussion after effects have continued. But its good that you can see improvement happening, especially in regards to the bruising. The head aches look like they will take longer to resolve. You sure must have given yourself a nasty bang on the forehead, you are probably lucky you did not come out of it worse than you did. The bump/divot on the head ... yes of course thats human nature isnt it? It seems we just cannot leave those sore spots alone ... the fingers relentlessly seek them out .. checking, confirming its still there, and testing whether its still hurts.

Oh gosh ... I too hope Holly will be okay tomorrow, and that the operation succeeds in relieving the breathing issues. I'm sure she will be okay, but of course I also have to accept that she may not be. She was sick last night actually, and I was up and down tending to her almost all night. Poor little girl. But she seems fine now, and I even gave her a nice bath this afternoon before sitting in the sun with her for a while to let her dry. She doesnt particularly like baths, but suffers them because she knows she will get a little treat afterwards for her trouble. Yes she is only 12 years old, and only a little dog, so she should have a few good years left in her. Fingers crossed.

Sending some love and hugs to both you and little Levi. 💕🤗🐶

Hi @Anastasia @Bow @Eve7

Emelia 💞

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