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Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor15 July 2020, 11:14 am AEST

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

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In response to: Changing meds

AnastasiaSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 7:25 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Hello beautiful L,

I'm here too, I hear you sweetheart and I care. It's such a shit situation for you, your sister impacting it by droves. I'm sorry you missed your DBT today I know how much you were looking forward to it. Can I ask you something?

If I wrote what you did, what advice would you give me? I know you'd say forgive myself and be kind to me.

Can you think back to when you were little perhaps learning to ride a bike. Did you fall? I bet you got back on and eventually after a few grazes and tears you conquered the bike? Can you relate to that? Maybe a bikes not the best example but I'm sure you have some similar? I believe in you. Please accept my love and hugs. Here for you my gorgeous friend @WIP

In response to: Re: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 7:31 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

I don't know if I'll every get to be able to ride that bike @Anastasia even though I keep trying and trying.

I've fallen so many times, battered black

amd blue, I've lost courage to keep trying - doesn't that make sense.

The hurt is constant, I have no self belief.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 7:45 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Don't worry all, I'll be ok. Just another night of living through hell all on my own.

@Sphinxly, @Snowie , @Emelia8 , @Bow @Anastasia @Shaz51

In response to: Re: Changing meds

SnowieSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 7:46 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Still here with you @WIP 💜

In response to: Re: Changing meds

AnastasiaSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Yes it makes sense. I'm sitting with you @WIP

My notifications aren't working but I'll keep checking on you xxx

In response to: Re: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 8:01 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Thanks @Snowie & @Anastasia .

No need to check on me.

Spend time relaxing with your respective families.

I'll try to calm down &'hope that my night med works - if have a feeling they won't know, I'm too wired. Which means a guaranteed tough day ahead - & the cycle continues.....

Just don't know how long I can keep

going round and round. I truely want to get off this ride. I've had enough.!

In response to: Re: Changing meds

BowSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: Changing meds

Still here too @WIP can sit or chat.
just crawled into bed, it's raining and much cooler here tonight so snuggling in bed. Will be awake for a while though.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

BowSenior Contributor27 Jan 2021, 8:12 pm AEDT