So alone.. a non-person..

Hi pip...

I coped better being alone when I was stronger- before the medication damaged me...Though sometimes something in a movie would set me off. Pillow in my mouth so no-one will hear me as I scream with longing and desperation, while I cry myself hoarse..

Now the mental/physical weakness makes it more acute..

Life was bad enough before... Now the hopelessness has me feeling desperate...For two yrs I have been told I will pick up.. I am doubting that this will actually happen..

Now that my 'normal' sedatives are not putting me to sleep, I have to get up and take more, while my body is trying to collapse, but the mind will not shut down....

I still keep trying.. I was able to do another workout this evening..I pick up a little after the sedatives have worn off a bit... I take a pain killer which helps, and off I went.. Again I was able to add a little more to the weights.. We are not allowed to say the actual weight.. Is it a 'body' thing??? That is great feeling of accomplishment..

I do hope things pick up for you... If you are up to it, I feel you should think of finding another BF.. Yearning is destroying-as we both know..

Namaste-Inga xox

@Inga The passion and sensuality in your first post was so beautiful, feminine and powerful. Wouldnt it be great ...

I have accepted celibacy for 16 years ... II have found people so damaged and knew I could not risk getting too close as they were often unaware of how they damaged me ...

It is sad the difficulty of being a single in a couple's world. I am surprised that it has been so isolating ... I am very respectful of other people's relationships ... but insecurity of others effect who they will interact with ... so i have settled for going to groups ... to feed my longing for company... and they are not always easy ...

I am sorry you have experienced so much abuse and that your daughter has suffered too ...I hope you are some consolation to each other ... but it would be difficult.

I have started looking at some of the amino acid research ...

also a non smoker, drinker mainly of water, only swear to make my son laugh and it then stopped him swearing so much ... thank god.

I also believe we dont need so much stuff ... so I really appreciate meeting people on this forum ... who are brave enough to be real and vibrant and truthful .... that is to me being a successful person.

@Appleblossom

Hey Apple.. (no-not one of Gwenyths kids 🙂 )...

I have NOT accepted celibacy.. It hits me when watching a couple in a movie.. I wake up from dreams..AARRGGHH !!! 🙂 ... BUT-thems' the breaks, as the saying goes...

I find I am better at writing what I feel than vocally anouncing it.. I wrote that piece a few yrs ago...

Be well-

Namaste-Ingrid

@Former-Member

@OverTheEdge

hI..I just found out how to acually answer a person..

I did rely to you..it is in the 'conversation'..

Namasate-Ingrid

@Former-Member

Hi...

you made me smile when you said you buy the ocasional $3 bingo.. I buy a ticket at the supermarket for a car-(def need a new one) they are only there appro twice a year..

I am glad you found your soulmate.. I feel-at 63yrs- that I have run out of time.. I do not know how long it will, if ever, take me to recover....

At the moment, I need to get a whole lot better before I can acccomplish anything..I sleep till mid-day and am chronically fatigued...So- not in a place to 'accomplish' things... Saying that- sometimes when I take the booster that works occasionally, I am ble to do a bar/weights worokut.. At least I am trying to gain muscle and bone density, which gives satisfaction.. I have only been able to do this since beginning July..I have worked out 9 x times this month..The 5 x 5 system i follow needs to be done 3 x times a week..

I always talk to the asistants when I shop.. sometimes I strike up conversations with other shoppers...when I used to date, I had not trouble having conversations with the men.. I have had shy men, thank me for making the date 'flow'...

I am glad you are feeling better than you had been.. I so want to get back to that place..

Is it my puter-I cannot get the spell check to work..Thankfully I rarely need it.. Just when I get 'blonde brain'.. 🙂

Warm regards

Namaste-Inga

@Former-Member

Hi..

One thing I have always done in life is give, without expecting a return.. I give as I like to.. When I go walking I smile/hello to people I pass.. Half will repond...

I now that receiving a compliment gives a warm feeling, so I always give a compliment when I can...

Namaste-Ingrid

Hi @Inga

So good to hear from you. I actually won $40 from that $3 bingo ticket - I was over the moon 🙃🙃🙃🙃 lol.

It would be hard to accomplish things when so fatigued - do you think it's the depression, the damage done by the adverse medication or both? I think you are accomplishing much doi g so many workouts feeling the way you do. I have felt like that at times in my life and I was lucky to be able to walk around the block! You are doing well. I do hope in time your body recovers somewhat and your energy levels rise. What does the doctors say?

Lit took me a very long time my friend before I reached this better place, and I can still have my moments. There was a time there that I didn't believe I would make it. Hold onto hope as the only way is up.

You sound like a delightful person who would be great company. It may be easier for you to pursue online friendships at the moment until you feel better. Do you find this helps the loneliness at all? Will you be venturing out at all this week? Hugs xx

@Former-Member

I do so hope your good days are more often than your bad days.. I want you to be well..

It is the damage and antideps making me so fatigued.. I am so scared/crying/freaking out...ATM the boosters I am taking sometimes wake me in the evening to do a workout.. the antideps make me shake/panic attacks and nausea..

OH PLEASE I WANT HELP...

This has happened in the past.. IE : after bridging off the temporary antidep and then overnight not functioning and massive water retention, I was placed on water retention tablets which required my taking potassium.. I took it at lunchtime, felt better and 5pm I was doing a full workout..I felt human.. It was miraculous..this lasted a whole week then awoke to crawling on the floor... I upped the potassium until I felt the good feel again.. It also helped my flippy heart..I was great for a month, only to awake to crawling again... I googled and found many other people are helped with potassium. .I even found it helped another persons heart.. Neither of us have a bad heart, but we both felt flippy-always aware of it..

This has happened with other supps as well..It is happening again-I am going down.. NO NO NO-PLEASE.. I HAVE TO GET OFF ANTIDEPS.. psych said if I had medical insurance, he would put me in the hospital he consults, and have me there till my neurotransmitters realigned..Approx 3 x months..I cannot get proper help as I am not 65yrs/a youth or the other criteria.. I am between a rock and a hard place.. Wish there were volunteer groups that helped..If i were well, I would certainly help... change sheets etc.help with postoffice run etc..

7 x yrs ago, before I researched- I was off meds after a bad 3 x month struggle.. it was easier back then to get off.. my psch put me back on meds instead of seeing how i would go with just the sleep meds.. WHY DID SHE DO THAT??? I wish I had known then what I know now..

Then there is the vanity..I still have not shed all the water retention.. I feel so gross.I need to workout to regain muscle/bone density and the movement to help circulation to help move the water...I am not asking for much..I have so little.. I want to be back in my bikini and go to the public pool in spring...

I have a brain and nothing to show for my life... I remember from 3 x yrs old?? not wanting to be here.. A topic for another conversation..

Thankyou for listening..

Hello again my friend @Inga

I also had a difficult time withdrawing off anti-ds. I know what you mean about it getting harder as one gets older (I am 55). And yes, they caused fatigue with me too. They helped a lot initially but they aren't meant for long term use and do have unwelcome side effects I found - I empathise with you and understand you wanting to wean off them.

I have been off anti-ds now for 6 months and have a lot more energy now. So it does make a difference that way. I found drinking lots of water helped but it did take some time (several months) to start feeling better. I did and still do at times, take a very low dose of a sleeping tablet and I find this suits me very well. And I am still under significant stress with my husband being ill and having a daughter going through a difficult time; so I am by no means stress free - but so far I have been better off without the anti-ds - 18 months on them was long enough.

Funny as it sounds - I found eating lots of celery helped reduce the fluid retention I had some years back - maybe that or other supplements may assist you. Can't hurt.

You do have a good brain and it's never to late to start new things, courses, hobbies, writing etc, whatever you find interesting and uplifting when you feel better. The best of life lyes before you my friend - try and envision in your mind a better future and look at the good around you, nature, birds, the sea, the bush, a friendly smile, a good book, a beautiful sunny day, relaxing music - all the good, no matter how small and you will feel a little better.

And when you have better days try and go out and meet new people - try to connect. This will ease the loneliness which of itself causes depression. There are others out there who feel the same way that you do and you will find them - they are looking for you as well. You are not alone although it can feel that way.

In the meantime if you really believe the anti-ds are making you worse perhaps seek a second opinion. Damage done by adverse drug reactions can heal but they take time. And when feeling ill like this it can seem like it takes forever as of course we want to be well now. It's hard - but eventually you will feel better. Keep up the healthy lifestyle and the focus on the positives - it will speed up the healing process. It was 4 yrs for me - and then I needed to wean off the anti-ds. All in good time but the sun will shine again. Hold onto to hope.

Always here for you if ever you need to talk. Hugs ❤️

Hello @Inga and @Former-Member

I am glad I read your posts warning me not to get too comfortable on the higher medication rate that I have been on since Sept last year ...

I found the idea of coming off AD but still using prn meds occasionally a good one. Thanks for the wake-up.

Namaste to both of you.

Apple