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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
It's ok @CherryBomb. The content isn't appropriate for here. It was really quite stupid of me to post. Thanks though
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Just stay safe @Former-Member.
I'm heading into a plane, but I will be looking for you when I land.
Just breathe and wait out the moment. It's all you have tondo and you can do that for us, for your boys ....
Hugs .... 💜
@Former-Member@Appleblossom@Decadian
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member ... just think of it as an emotional Cocktail that has to exit your system .... rest .... you will get past this ... it's doable once you get past the emotional hit .... let it pass and your phams worker will be back .... and your team will regroup over this ....
@Kurra could have given up when she was in emotional cocktail land, but she didn't .... just keep swimming Hon ....
🐠🐠🐠💜💜💐💐💐💕💕💕❣
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
CherryBombSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member, Its ok to talk about the situation that led you to feel this way, and what you're experiencing.
I'm concerned about you. Will email you.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I'm the one who shouldn't have posted anything. I don't know why I did, to be honest.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
HappynessSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hugs and Kisses xoxo
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I guess I chose the wrong thread to get some support. Not your fault @Former-Member, I know things are really tough for you. xoxoxoxo I should have tried somewhere else, didn't realize. Sorry. I'm not upset with you Teej, please don't think that I am.
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope xoxoxox You always have something nice to say.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hiya @Former-Member, had to GP door a few things, especially water the garden - its soooo hot today, everything's wilted, and it takes me ages to write post (believe it or not). I just want to congratulate you for enduring an entire day of emotional pain virtually alone. You did it and now, being harder when your exhausted from the struggle, rest knowing you've done well under great strain. Nor sure if your phams worker or psych team are available tomorrow to ring, just ring everybody you can if you have to to get through. Stuff it if they think you shouldn't. You're just as entitled. If there not back 'till Monday, well, you need to put some structure in your days and carry it through no matter how you feel. Maybe - go for a swim, a walk. a movie, cook something. That's already a day well spent, actually that would take an entire weekend for me. You know then you've made an effort and I promise you will feel better, even just enough to take the edge off - its worth it.
I'm Aldo picking up a lot of anger Teej, may I ask Why are you so angry? You gotta get that out before bed - can one of the boys go for a big walk with you? Get that anger out. You'll sleep better and it will pick up the endorfins to numb the emotional pain etc Or do you have an exercise machine? Do some stretched? TaiChi? Scream blue murder into your pillow? Kick the guts out of a cardboard box in the garage? Tear something to shreds, tiny little pieces. Try, let me know which one works best. Dust of your hands after and sit down with a banana and start afresh tomorrow. Wish I could pop in for a coffee & solve the world's problems. . Sending light and strength and love to you in prayers. Hold the course xox
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