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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
Please be careful @Teej. You must be feeling pretty low and in a dark place tonight.
My last sh was about 2 months ago. I did end up in hospital overnight as I missed an appointment. I do everything I can nowadays to avoid sh.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I'm feeling pretty f***d up @Sans911 . We're there any complications from it @Sans911 ? I think maybe as much as I've wanted to suicide on and off for the past 6 months tonight is more a cry for help. I've had two psych appointments this week and feel like I'm just screaming on the inside and not being heard.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Sans911@Sylvester @@I've had a bit to drink and meds are kicking in. I'm sorry if I miss responding. Sorry in advance if I crash
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
It OK @Teej to not be ok. I'd be raging (in my brain) if I felt unheard & invalidated. That's really, really difficult and triggering when that happens.it's like 'well,now what?' or 'who really cares?' right?And iif no one seems to listen or care,why should I? I'll show them!
But you don't control your psychologist, you don't know why they been dismissive & unhelpful. Whilst not making excuses for them at all, perhaps they were distracted, or you've misinterpreted what they were intending to say. I don't know & neither do you. You are left feeling flooded with emotional pain.
Right now you can only control your thoughts, feelings & actions. Who are you trying to hurt or punish tonight? Because you're not hurting them. Only yourself my sweet friend.
What else can you do to stop yourself? Can you go splash as cold as possible water over your face, neck, back of your neck, wrists?
And what else helps you in times like now?
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
It's alright @Teej please get outside help if you need to. Some people do care. I care, very much. Hugs and hugs 💜💜🙂💜💜
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I think that it's not because she doesn't care @Sans911 . I think she just has a dire that perspective on things. I do want to hurt me though. And you might be right maybe her tool. im falling asleep, nearly dropped iPad a few times. You are about to get jibberish from me too. 💜💜💜for being here. It's the difference between stopping and continuing because I felt I had nothing to loose.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Teej ..... I am sorry you're hurting so much. Just missed you last night, so sending big hugs this morning 💞💞💞
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Morning @Teej. Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I hope you're as OK as you can be. I'm sure that you'll be feeling all sorts of emotions. A check in would be nice or just hitting the support button. 💕💕💕💕
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I'm still here @Sans911 , @Faith-and-Hope , and @Snowie under the like button. I'm ok and hope to find some courage and words after to give a better response. Unsurprisingly I have a headache and still pretty drowsy. Thank you for reaching out your hand of support.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Teej you are never far from my thoughts. Hoping today gets a little better for you.
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