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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 5:40 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thinking of you this morning @Teej, hoping you had some helpful sleep last night ❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

MaggieSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 5:57 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej 💜💜💕💕💜💕

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

MaggieSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 6:06 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I found this a while back @CheerBear . It makes sense to me, might to you also. Sometimes the smallest things can speak the loudest. Maybe I was more receptive??

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 9:47 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It feels right to me @Maggie . I think that is what it feels like I’m trying to do. Sometimes that feels too slow but much of the time it’s drop by drop.

Thanks @CheerBear , @Faith-and-Hope I hadn’t hit that level of distress for what seems a while. I will hope to speak to my son tonight about it.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

MaggieSenior Contributor19 Nov 2019, 9:49 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej 💜💜💜💕💕💕

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor05 Feb 2020, 9:57 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

In a headspace I haven't been for a while. Using unhelpful coping strategies and lots of self loathing and insecurity and fears about the future. Hoping I will crash soon. I don't know that I have what it takes or want to to go forward. Feeling like a totally selfish :pile_of_poo:

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor05 Feb 2020, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hearing you @Teej ... and glad you are venting it here so we can sit with you.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor05 Feb 2020, 10:04 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Wanting to write myself off and not wake up tomorrow @Faith-and-Hope .

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor05 Feb 2020, 10:07 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Has there been a trigger event @Teej, or a build-up to this ?

Only if you want to say.

I am making my way through one hoop after another, and thinking that you understand a lot of the challenges, even if they weren't the same exactly ....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor05 Feb 2020, 10:13 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yeah and no @Faith-and-Hope . Just a few days until settlement but the money will be held in trust because we disagree on stuff. I don't give a toss at the moment how long it's in the conveyancer trust. It was supposed to be all over by Friday but won't be. He is being an arse.

ive had a bit to drink so be warned. I don't have any house security or anything that was supposed to happen. I just keep thinking if I could just pay off all my debts and leave a small inheritance for the kids I could leave with a clear conscience.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.