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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor17 Jan 2019, 12:53 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Good luck today @Sans911.

I am struggling hugely again today. 😢🤯😱

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor17 Jan 2019, 1:26 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

🙁💗 Teej

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sans911Senior Contributor17 Jan 2019, 8:21 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Here if you need me @Teej. Please take care of yourself 💙💜🙏

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Shaz51Senior Contributor17 Jan 2019, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

huuugggggggs @Teej

@Sans911, @CheerBear, @outlander xxxx

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor17 Jan 2019, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

😰🤯😰🤯:angry_face_with_horns:

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor18 Jan 2019, 7:33 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

🙁😔❤💜💚 @Teej

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor18 Jan 2019, 8:19 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

You're up @Teej? I want to ask how you're doing this morning and what your day is looking like today, but I don't want to be a pest (so if I write it like this it is less pestish maybe?).

With you and here for you if it could help, thinking of you often ❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor18 Jan 2019, 10:30 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I was up then I crashed again @CheerBear. I’m not sure that up is what I am just now either but im trying to be awake. Words just now not my strong point. Maybe after coffee.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor18 Jan 2019, 10:39 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Good to see you @Teej. Coffee is a great starting point 👍🙂❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor18 Jan 2019, 12:58 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Coffee downed but still horizontal @CheerBear. I am ok for now but am waiting on a phone call or message from my therapist to see if she and my psychiatrist can get on a similar page. I was quite hysterical yesterday and couldn’t physically get myself to my appointment but had a very messy call with my therapist instead. It’s almost laughable but I fell asleep after normal dose of sleeping meds such was my exhaustion from the events of the last few days and the heat. We had four days over 40 and my house was so hot and stuffy. I was not able to think how to cool down. I think at one stage I decided it was ok to die of heat stroke 🥵 which was ridiculous because there was no chance of that. After a drink I had the idea of wetting my nightie (soaking it) and lying under my fan on a towel. Needless to say I fell asleep not long after 🤦‍♀️. I couldn’t take meds yesterday. Have taken them now.

I know my reaction could be huge again. I know my therapist gets how hard this is.....now. I hadn’t been in that state for a long time. I keep thinking of my nan who I can’t help but think she experienced the same kind of anxiety about the same stuff. She had no support though.

Last night i managed to have a reality check in time as well. I was waiting for my youngest to leave. He couldn’t stand the heat in the house and was going to his gf. I was impatient and kept asking him what time he was leaving so I could sh in a way I wasnt fussed about the outcome. But before he left I realised that I couldn’t do it too him again. The last time was traumatic for him. Last night he came home when I wasn’t expecting and I was very distressed on the phone to my therapist. He would have had to wear me flipping and pulling myself together and having a nice meal together to me sh as soon as he walked out the door. 3 times is too many 😧.

Im sorry you are copping this here. I am struggling to pull myself out but I’m not in distress at the moment. I needed to vent and perhaps record this incase I do flip completely at some point.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.