Connect with people who understand what you are going through,
seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're
free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
I took lots of meds to sleep @CheerBear so I did sleep well. Just did the long wait centrelink call to be told I need to apply for the DSP but I know I’ll be rejected. I’m so confused. A week ago I felt like I was taking baby steps all by myself and now I am paralysed by fear and shame and am drugging myself not to be awake because I’m not safe when I’m awake. Sorry for the downer post. Today I’m supposed to see my friend but I don’t know if I’m up to it. I’m still in bed.
How is your day shaping up?
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Oh that sucks so much @Teej😔 I'm guessing your certificate was rejected? I have soooo much, I don't even know what the word is, for all things c-link. Fixing brain wants to ask whether you'd think about going through the process just in case and to buy some time as you don't have those requirements while an application is in progress. Feeling brain is sitting in the ugh-ness of it all with you. Angry explosive head wants to smash the system down 😡
You didn't write a downer post. I get how much flattening can happen with this one. If sleeping it off is what you need to do, then that's what you need to do. Will any of your team be able to help or to advocate for you with this do you think?
I am now on the road (stopped to get petrol - well timed seeing your message) and am kid free, so my day is looking good 😉. I'm heading to spotlight when I get back near my way and then I'll crochet for a while in a quiet house until friend comes over later tonight to stay. I'm looking forward to that 🙂
I better head off but will check in again later. Thinking of you lots 💗
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Sounds like a great day @CheerBear😊💜
i will talk to my psych about the DSP again. I see her in 8 days.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I'm back 🙂 I feel like I've been running all over the place but am in a quiet, still house with a couple of cats and some pretty yarn. Totally worth running around for.
Did you make it to see your friend @Teej? I hope psych will be able to help when you see her again.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I didn’t make it to see my friend. The black hole has confined me to bed 🤯. I’ll see what tomorrow brings.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Sorry @CheerBear. Conversation not my strong point. But it made me smile to know you’ve had a good day and a nice night planned. I hope you enjoy it. Can’t wait to see from your spotlight adventure if you can share at some point.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Bed sounds like a good thing to have/be in in a black hole @Teej. Totally OK to be not up for chatting.
I'll share the new one im playing with when I've finished it. I've just started so it'l be a while away.
I hope the rest of your afternoon and evening goes along in a way that is right for you 💗
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I am so so wound up. I have my appointment with psych in an hour and it feels like my future is hanging on this appointment. I have been so scared all week about how to deal with it and what’s to say or what not to tell.
On a logical level I know I’m catastrophising it but on an emotional level I can’t get rid of the fear.
🤯:nauseated_face:😧😱
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Big breaths @Teej ❤ I really hope your appointment is helpful for you. You've got this x
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I hope so @CheerBear cos if not I’m in trouble me thinks. 🤭:angry_face_with_horns:
We're improving how you access SANE services, starting with Forums
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
