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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I’m not sure @CheerBear. It’s thrown everything I was working towards on its head. I don’t know what to write.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Are you up for telling us what happened or what throwing on your head means @Teej (if it might be helpful)?

I'm so sorry. I know how horrible this one can be. I was an absolute mess after I had mine and had no idea how I was going to get out of it all. The mash that c-link stuff can cause can take a lot to work out but these intense feelings, they don't last forever.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 8:06 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

i kind of feel so ashamed that this undoes me. I have to look for work for 15 hrs a week, no direct help one on one, volunteering doesn’t count and study only if it’s full time. It’s thrown me into full child mode. I lost it in the appointment. She got bubbles out to help calm me down. I nearly drove straight to hospital because I knew it would be so hard by myself. I was going terribly but taking minute by minute until my son came home and my dog won’t leave me alone and the need to turn it all off just skyrocketed.

This is the hard part. I’m holding on because of my psych. I think I just see me as a burden to my family but I know she’ll get into trouble if I follow through. Normally I’ve hated my psych so it’s been easier to go for it. It drives the shame up so much for my family that I don’t want them to have to suffer my patheticness anymore

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Theres no shame in that @Teej. It sounds very much like the way it played out for me and my reaction to it too. Absolute total chaos and feeling so stuck, so scared and so much like it was beyond me. It's a horrible place to be.

Theres also no shame in holding on for whatever reason you are. What's important is that there is something to hold on to and for. All you have to do is hold on (though I get how hard that can be). The rest will come back when chaos calms.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 8:22 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks for getting it @CheerBear. I’m going to turn it off for a bit. I am beyond anything much just now. I’ll check in when I wake. So sorry to be a pain. I was very very close to not caring before about the consequences. Chat tomorrow.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 8:25 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

You're never a pain @Teej. I hope sleeping it off helps and will look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Stay safe ❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Shaz51Senior Contributor07 Jan 2019, 8:33 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teejyou are never a pain my friend , here for you and sending you tender hugs

Hello @CheerBear, @outlander xx

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Jan 2019, 10:33 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej how did you sleep? Not going to pester you (beyond this post 😉) but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wondering how you're going today. Hoping it is a less bananas day for you ❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor08 Jan 2019, 12:05 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I just woke up and am really groggy still @CheerBear.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Jan 2019, 12:12 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Did you sleep OK @Teej? Anything you have to do today or can you have a recovery day?

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.