I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member

I am okay now - but I had to ring Life Line and weep - I am tired of all of this - but I suppose my memories will always be with me

I have already written something about it - sometimes I feel so bad for my mother - who really never earned my respect - but also - I feel she deserved better from my sister. I would not visit my mother in care - I did not like being snarled at - and told her so and that I would not be back - and yet wrote often telling her I would visit if she wanted me to - and I wanted to - sending her my phone numbers

My sister read my letters and cards but never let me know if Mum wanted me to visit - yet TS (Toxic Sister) never let me know if my mother wanted to see me or not - yet tried to lay a guilt trip on me - didn't work.

But I feel so badly for my mother sometimes - yet she chose to have my sister care for her affairs - and I do not understand my sister

We can't change other people - and who would want to - but I feel terrible sorrow for my mother - and I can't work out why. I have forgiven her for what she has done to me but about TS - what on earth do I do with her?

Ahhhhh - Enough!! Yelled the Queen of Hearts in Alice - Off with her.......

Thanks for asking @Former-Member

And I totally love your avatar - it suits you

Decadian

Well, I hope you got help, re Lifeline @Decadian

I did - thanks @TAB

I was thinking about making the call since sometime on Sunday - when it comes to Life Line it is either a feast or a famine - I go for months and then I might ring several times close together

As I can be a frequent flyer when things get tough I work out what I want to talk about - I sometimes even think my way out of the puzzle - other times I find I have to talk my way out

After both my parents died I was ringing several times a day - I was okay when Dad left - he was a man of faith - and easy to let go - my mother - very complicated - her fears kept her here longer than was comfortable fo her - it was tough

Most of the time I get good help from Life Line - and I usually ring during the day or in the evening - but not too late

I just hope it works for other people as well as it works for me - I did work on a help line for a couple of years - I forget how long now - so I know how it is to be the person on the other side of the phone too

Thanks again

Decadian

Hi @Decadian I am sorry you are not coping with the loss of your parents. When did they pass?

and that's a good thing for you to have been able to have helped out on Lifeline. Hope you feel better having rung them

Hi @TAB

Dad died 5.5 years ago - and that was hard at first as it always is to lose someone we love - but I have been over that for a long time

When I got the call in the early hours I poured myself a shot of fortified wine and raised the glass to a great and noble man - and then put it on the shelf in my wall unit without drinking it - and for a couple of weeks it stood there with a collection of small insects who died happy - really intoxicated - I just couldn't tip it out until enough time had passed

Mum died early last year - and that has been hard because we never had a good relationship - I don't feel guilty - and I believe that as an adult I had accepted that things would never be good between us - but somewhere deep inside I think I had an inner child that still needed something that I knew would never happen - but when she died it was too late - and I have grieved for her loss of me rather than my loss of her - if that makes any sense

And yes - Life Line does help - and I did feel better after my phone call

Decadian

I love your story about the fortified wine sitting on a shelf collecting tipsy insects .. i might enact that one day in memory of my swag of ghosts ... good ideas always welcome

well. @Decadianhope tomorrow is a better day for you. My parents still hanging on, so how I cope with it is yet to be seen

I hope you are doing reasonably @Former-Member I am glad the forum is able to help a bit.

@Former-Member love the pic

@Happyness

sorry that the phone support people dont get you ... have you tried the chatline or helpline at sane forum ... I did once ... and though she was young she had a way of listening that was good ... for me ... rare ...

take care

@TAB

It is hard when we lose people but I went to a poetry night by a wizened ole soul ... Duncan Hose ... he has been a bit footloose and a wanderer too.

I prepared my approach for dealing with my mother's last years .. I visited her and we played music as long as she was able .. which was up to the last few weeks .. I didnt go in with my heart on a platter ... and I am glad I attended to it.. but there was no reconciliation of our issues and I accepted the unlikeliness of thaat before I started visiting .. she had a horde of people looking after her ... so I made it my job to look after me and my son and our authentic needs.

@Decadian I had the thing where she had sister manage affairs .. it was one of many snubs and forms of favouritsm ... as I was 11 years older .. but by then I had been brutalised by mother's games ... yet wanted son to have some contact with grandmother.

@Former-Member I have put my son down as NOK ... I would be horrified if anything like that happened to me .. thanks for the tip.

take care all

wow lot's people here who have similar takes on things @Appleblossom @Decadian oh I'm sure my mother can still sing still since we're doing non sequiters lol well she's a pretty useful tenor, has made it to CD age re being recorded. I love her. Have been far from being a good son to her. am going to see her soon tho