I am struggling at the moment

Keep investing in art @Teej ..... it heals things you don’t even realise are being healed ...... hang in there and just keep practicing your range of skills every day, in whatever direction ..... they will gel - come together - but you have to get them out there and happening first .....

Hugs n hugs n walking with you ......

Will respond a bit later @Faith-and-Hope. Flooded with emotion again. Son just came home after pulling an all nighters at uni and was so disappointed that I didn’t make it yesterday. I never missed anything of theirs when they were growing up but now I do. It all just hurts everyone atm.

Any of us can only do what we can do in the moment @Teej ..... and if you turned up yesterday in floods of tears, he would have been sorry about that too ..... part of being authentic is being able to say, “I just can’t do that today.” Which is what you did by not going ......

He is young. There is so much ahead of him in life yet, and while you don’t wish hard times on anybody, he will have them, and in the moments in the future when he can relate to what you were feeling, he will be saying to you, “Oh Mum ..... now I understand what you were going through at that time ..... and I am so sorry I wasn’t more understanding back then. You did come to everything when we were growing up, and I really appreciate that.” Likely not in those words, but in his own way ......

Mine are crossing into their 30’s now @Teej ...... the older ones ...... and it brings with it a different range of perspective. I am able to talk to S1 now about things he was carrying as a chip on his shoulder against me. He didn’t have the right ears to listen to that in his 20’s and judged me for it ..... but it didn’t stop him loving me anyway .... and your sons love you ..... ❣️

Some things need time ..... a lot of time ..... and that’s okay ....

Just checking in. I’ve made it through the storm and am back to my reflective self :face_with_rolling_eyes:.

@CheerBear It did help to read that you know that it’s a storm that you know you’ll get through. I am still struggling with the thought that every storm still takes days to pass and get through those strong urges. There is lots that has been going through my mind but today I’m focusing on a rebuilding day.

@Faith-and-Hope your unwavering support and words of encouragement and compassion never fail to amaze me. They still remind me of what faith and hope and grit determination are.

@Appleblossom. Your messages of hope and finding new horizons is inspiring as well. I felt really humbled that I’ve helped you. I think we have both helped each other along the way. I’ve never forgotten how much it meant to me when we first discussed si. It was the first time that I didn’t feel so alone with it all.

@Sans911, @outlander thank you as always for your support 💜

I’m not sure how I do the stuff in the future, the thing with all my big fears.....volunteering and looking for work at some point. For now though I am going to try to go back to working on the things I was when I left respite, working on making my house a home and continue with trying to grow nice things to eat and look at, and maybe dabbling in some craft.

Yay @Teej ......(little non-scary woo-hoo over here .... 🎉)

💜💐💕

Dissappointments about showing up or not showing up are natural. @Teej

He is lucky you have already been there so much.

Part of his growing up is knowing you must have needed the down time.

I like reflective @Teej very much. This is where you can see the light of a new dawn, which doesn't look as scary as the storm before.

How to do stuff in the future, finding your way back to working is hard. We don't have a crystal ball for that. We just have to trust, and have faith that as long as we are putting one foot in front of the other, then we will reach that future, and while it might not look like we imagined, its a future that we can feel comfortable and competent in. Hugs @Teej

Well said @Sans911 .... @Appleblossom ...... ❤️

More hugs incoming @Teej.

💜💜💜💐🌷💕

Hi @Teej ..... 👋💜💜💜💐💕