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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 10:43 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Could you do a short course in it @Teej ? Just for the love of it ?

Is there somewhere that runs that sort of thing at a community or therapy level, like art therapy ?

Its a thought .....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 10:54 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I looked it up again recently @Faith-and-Hope. I don’t know what I’m doing at the moment. I struggled intensely today as you can see. It’s been a really high voltage day. I can’t see life past Friday at the moment when I get rejected from therapy. I’m really messed up about that. I asked my psychiatrist last week why have I made this a do or die thing again. Her response was that maybe it was my excuse to suicide. That I could use that rejection to suicide. I guess maybe there might be some truth in that. I think today has been about me wanting to jump before I was pushed as well. Sorry for the heavy.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 11:10 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Heavy is not a problem @Teej .....

Glad to hear you talking it out.

💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 11:19 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej I don't know what to say to make it better but hugs. I hear you. And I want you to hear how strong you are

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 11:37 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thank @The-red-centaur, @Faith-and-Hope.

You don’t need heavy just now @Faith-and-Hope. I’ve just written a thesis to sans and might try for sleep soon.

I hope you both have a good evening. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 11:40 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Heavy is different when it’s not your own heavy @Teej .....

I hope you sleep well Hon.

Hugz ❣️

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor17 Aug 2018, 1:38 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hey @Teej. Just dropping by to say I'm thinking of you today. That's all really 💗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor17 Aug 2018, 1:43 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @CheerBear. The phone call lasted all of 4 mins. Just got off but not am as crazy as I have been. I don’t have a diffinitive idea either way as to if therapy is going to happen or not. I’m so confused as to all this. I have an appointment next Friday to see her.

I read your awesome news. I’m so pleased that you have had all that hard work rewarded and the security you deserve. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor17 Aug 2018, 1:53 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Oh @Teej. Big hugs. I don't know about you but I prefer definite answers either way to uncertainty. So confusing :face_with_rolling_eyes: Is it a face to face appointment next Friday? Hugs again.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor17 Aug 2018, 2:00 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yeah. It is @CheerBear. I honestly don’t know what to expect. I must admit for the first time today I’m wondering whether we could work together even if it came through. I think I know why I have been so crazy though. Apart from feeling on trial I think my crazy is extra big because I don’t know or trust her. It made me realise that I’m always extra crazy around new people. She has had my crazy scale turned up to full. :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.