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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:12 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yes @Decadian, my son was down as my NOK, don't plan these things, think them through & they go by old records. I changed it recwntly, made up a NOK to update the file, so as not to bother my son with unnecessary triviah. They'll just have to get police search next time. Jerks! How else am I gonna have privacy?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:20 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Really sorry your son was dragged in @Former-Member 😢

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor13 Aug 2016, 1:21 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yes - I understand

Dec

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TABSenior Contributor13 Aug 2016, 1:26 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

soz for sticking nose in. Now departed friend was sectioned a few times when I knew them. was in house when cops came etc, then visited them later. All messy, sad. yes stashes etc

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:37 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Kind of liberating, haven't been able to talk about it before (the trauma of MH hospital admission). Although I did talk to psychologist briefly this week, told her how I didn't get ANY counselling in hospital, felt like a caged animal"

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TABSenior Contributor13 Aug 2016, 1:37 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

she was the most beautiful person, well, could be.. anyway it reminded me.

and you are all norty gels lol.. I was stunned when they said 'conform' when they finally got inside.. must be a keyword.. was like being in a scifi movie.. poor buggers ..as in people who get put away

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:43 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I think that was what shocked me last week @Former-Member. How little support some get in hospital. I was really angry at the way my room mate was ignored whilst in distress. It broke my heart. I think your story breaks my heart too. I've had a few rough admissions but some good ones too. I think you should be able to talk about it. 💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:48 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sorry you lost your friend @TAB, was it suicide? I lost a friend to it toow some years back now, always on the lookout for it. Kind of alters our world, to see some have pulled ir off, the big one, that we actually can. My friend & I had a d&m about it & promised each other, if it happened, we weren't to feel sad, but see the other as, finally 'at peace'

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Aug 2016, 1:53 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It is what it is, for me, my MH Admissions were about preserving the body while waiting for the mind to settle. 😞
All too much

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor13 Aug 2016, 2:01 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I get it @Former-Member

I felt like that in a public hospital - no therapy, no one to talk to - told I didn't conform - like that one

What is wrong with not conforming?

I find this convo enlightening - for years I kept all my shouting and yelling there a secret - but wow - what an eye-opener to be told that was the best place to let it all out - at the top of my voice

I feel so much for people who get into these places more than I had to - sheesh - I was in a good place - Melbourne Clinic - no yelling and shouting required there

And yes - so people do make it the whole 9 yards - alas -

I have been getting an education - looking up things on the internet when I should be doing something else - anything else

Dec - feeling humble about all of this

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