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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 5:03 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It’s more about helping the anger to find its way out without being self destructive @Teej ..... doing something is burning energy ..... burning energy is using some of the energy produced by the anger .....

Think of a power surge. You need to “earth” it, give it an alternative pathway.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 5:08 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Can’t write anymore for now. Have to go for a bit. Will be okish. Thank you for responding @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Sans911Senior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 5:12 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Liking you=hearing you @Teej

I understand your struggles 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 5:15 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Stay safe @Teej .... 💜💐💕💜💐💕💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 6:24 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I need to talk about the elephant in the room. When you know you are not safe but if you could talk something through you might be ok. It becomes impossible to do. Lifeline only give you 5 min to ascertain what is causing you problems and then if you are safe. If you indicate not emergency services will arrive at your door. You’ll be taken to hospital and discharged and then come home and do it anyway because you are completely humiliated and are know there is no help. I have tried to talk to CATT, the psychologist and SANE without being able to get through to anyone. Ringing any other crisis services at this point will only tip me over all the way. I cant talk about it here and I can’t switch it off unless I push the envelope again like I did last night.

Two weeks ago I had family tea and I looked around at my family and saw them all interacting and it was awesome to see but all I could think about at that time was that they’ll be fine and pull together when I’m gone. I want to go out with those memories intact.

I am flipping between all the time, reaching out here for help then running away. I don’t know how to be. That assessment has messed with me so much and I don’t know how to put it all back.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2018, 6:34 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Teej I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough. We've been flat out in the HC today but it might quieten down this evening. Do you want to give it another go a little later?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 6:35 pm AEST