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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor13 Aug 2018, 8:48 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I wrote another post but I dont think mods approved it.

Learning to slow things down for yourself is important.

I have done it with exercise (tai chi) and music, though they can also speed me up.

Take Care @Teej

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 1:04 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sitting in some sunshine at the moment next to some purple and thinking of you @Teej.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 1:27 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Am awake. Feeling pretty crappy but I guess I deserve it. I feel like I’m constantly messing up this living thing. Thank you for your support last night.

Sooo tired still.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Teej. Always good to see you.

Can you start the rest of today with getting a routine going ..... 15/15 .... eat, drink, straighten bed, dressed (even if it’s just dressing up jammies to look like they’re daywear.

For all of us, when our kids grow up and our day is no longer revolving around family, we all have to learn how to live for ourselves again. Going to uni is part of that for me, but so is having a daily routine .... for me .....

There may be worthiness issues in the way of that for you @Teej ..... but work with it anyway .....

Mega hugs 💜💜💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 3:41 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That wasn’t meant to be such a dramatic post. I don’t know what happened.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 4:49 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

💜 @Teej

How are you doing ?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 4:51 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Not so well @Faith-and-Hope. On the edge and still wanting to sh in a huge way.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It’s all consuming at the moment.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 4:53 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Okay ..... read the second one first @Teej.

Try going through the paces of the basics @Teej ..... move your body, fuel your brain (food, water).

Hugs n hugs n hugs n hugs ..... you’re a beautiful person. I can’t look at anything purple without seeing you there Hon ..... there are ways of knowing people that don’t need words. You are enough, even scrambled and confused .... you are enough. Scrambled and confused passes, and not every day is like today.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor14 Aug 2018, 5:00 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I don’t know what I want. I have so much anger tied up inside and I can’t let go of it. It makes me so self destructive. I want to completely self destruct. I don’t want to follow a safety plan or be a nice person or anything right now.

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