I am struggling at the moment

Me too @Sans911, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @CheerBear. 😜

So good to see you back @CheerBear. I was worried about you too, along with everyone else.

Had another really difficult afternoon and had worked myself up to be very distressed and emotional.......but was blessed that my friend just dropped in with chocolates and wine and got me out of my head. I’m so sorry I’m such a mess at the moment.

Blow that friend a kiss for me @Teej..... ❣️

How are you feeling @Faith-and-Hope?

@Teej ..... here is tonight’s bedtime story .... lol ....

Still unwell today, but the symptoms have changed a little. No headache today, but a low-grade fever on and off, and still pretty intense muscle aches through my core ..... but I am enjoy8ng the excuse to rest up and not do much.

The weather is a bit lousy anyway .... 😏

Think I have arrived back here to feeling really unsettled, so I would be being gentle with myself this way anyway, but being well has actually provided a cover for me that I didn’t realise I would need ....

Yesterday my mr. was clearly p*ssed off with what appeared to be me lazing around, when he was itchy-scratchy to get things done ..... he is also of the opinion that my behaviours are supporting the kids being emotionally unwell, because if you didn’t know there was a flaming serious e.d. lurking in the background of our family life, the fact that the other family members are all struggling against different forms of situational anxiety and depression, and thus their behaviours mirror each other to some degree, you might begin to think he is right .....

He was still highly strung this morning, but calmed down a lot when I got up to organise the dinner. The husband I knew before would have gone out to bring a ready dinner home, as I am rarely unwell, so to be in bed for two days is significant ..... the one in residence now is .... well ..... affected ..... and not “at home” with these things.

Oh @Faith-and-Hope 😔. Having those attitudes at home doesn’t help you get any better. I’m glad you are still resting through it. It must be so hard to hold it together with him.

Im so sorry I am really struggling to know what to write. Please know my heart is with you all when my words are not.

I am really falling to pieces so quickly. I am so scared of living.

It probably sounded worse than it is @Teej .... remembering that mr. is off out and about with his regimen across the day, and I have built a level of immunity against what he thinks, because it is not based in the reality of how the rest of us are experiencing life.

Just you keep treading water, my lady ..... did you get something done in the house or garden today ? Purpose grows out of the mundane routines of life ..... it develops a mesmerising and stabilising effect, and you are more than half way through the predicted recovery span for your sort of mi issues and circumstances ..... provided you stick to therapy and keep swimming ..... some of it will be healing, plain and simple .... the rest you have to work for, and from what I have been reading (and watching), it’s around a ten year span .....

I am hoping that we will reach dx inside the first ten years (8.5 now), and recovery might take another ten years after that .....

@Teej Glad you had visitor who cared. I wIsh I knew how to let you know that you are enough. I spent a lot of time with feelings all over the shop. I have been there too. Not so often these days. My son actually referred to those days in a counselling session today. I cannot deny it.

No matter how much we struggle to be some ideal mum.

@Faith-and-Hope In the 2 years I have known you ... you aint had a sick day til now so I figure Mr F&H should be happy with only a few days a year ...

That was an eye opener about that purple haze ... even for me ...hee hee

Now things are much more respectable\even spiritual

with purple mandalas