I am struggling at the moment

glad to see you @Teej , dont have to say anything, its enough to see you

🙂 thanks @outlander

you dont have to respond back at all, but im glad you are here still, very glad @Teej . not knowing where to from here is ok, that will come later or whenever.. right now you're here and hopefully there'll be moments of 'ok' to hold on for. The kids will be ok, and i wonder whether getting to this point that you didnt think you would get to.. but have and past it... might be some kind of turning point (hope you know what i mean as my brain is foggy and not working well to express what i know i mean!) .. anyways, you dont need to respond but will be here with you when you can be here and it helps you to be here... hugs

@Teej ...... they love you ...... they want you ..... they need you ......

Maybe it’s not a matter of “coming back” ..... it’s about staying ?

My mr is going to have to come to terms with his situation at some point, and I don’t know how that is going to be for him ..... but for those who love you, as we love him ..... our hearts and lives are big enough ......

Think of the ocean. If you want to draw water from the ocean, and you use a teaspoon, even if you draw water your while life, you won’t drop the level of the ocean ..... if you use a cup, or a bucket, or even a pipeline, you won’t drop the level of the ocean ......

It’s like that with love. It’s not finite .... it’s not conditional ..... your kids love you. That’s it. They love you, they want you, they need you, and there wil be space in their lives and hearts for you, even as there is water in the ocean and the rain continues to fall. Hurting them without intending to can’t take that away ...... they know where you were at and they came looking for you, desperately ...... wanting you to be okay. That says everything.

People who love each other find ways to make it work ..... perfection doesn’t exist ..... it just has to work in all its messyness......

We have worked out that mr.f&h’s dad left when he was a certain age, and he had had a father role model of what not to do up until that point ...... we believe his “ant trail” ran out at that point, and he somehow didn’t know how to be after that, because the model he was folllowing of how not to be was no longer there as his guideline ...... what ver take on that is anywhere near the truth is something he will likely need to discuss with a health professional at some stage.

Me telling you this is in the hope that there is some sort of parallel you can work from ...... what did your parents do when you and your brother had grown up, reached 18 ? Is there an ant trail you have been trying to follow, and you are struggling that it has run out with no new one that you have found yet ?

Maybe this is the time when husbands and wives begin their retirement life, and you are not in that space ? Maybe everyone you know has always worked, or continued working across this stage, and you don’t know what to do because you don’t fit that mold ?

It’s okay to be outside previous patterns and starting a new one. Maybe talk to your counsellor about this ?

My sister has never worked. She has been on a pension her whole adult life, but she gives back very actively through volunteer work within her community.

There will be choices for you @Teej ..... stepping into the unknown is daunting, but you have been doing that, and risking that, and you have more courage than you know ..... but your boys know. Let them in. Let them help you work out your new ant trail .....

Hugs Hon 💜

I hope this helps. You mean a lot to me y’know .......

@Teej ..... have you considered applying to work in a garden centre .... for a while, a start ..... ? See where that takes you ? It’s working from an interest.

No need to answer. Just putting forward things to consider.