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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

😏 ..... @Teej

Believe it or not, that extra hour makes it seem more distant somehow ..... I will be glad when the gap closes just that bit more.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

You know what else just saved me a bit. The cat from next door just found it’s way into my house and walked in my bedroom oblivious to my dog on my bed. In an attempt to save the cat from my dog I tipped over my drink. Downside is adrenaline kicked in and now it’s woken me up. I’ve already taken enough to tranquillise a small elephant.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thank @Appleblossom. So much lately I wished I have more of your drive and determination. You’ve been in my thoughts heaps. I keep thinking if I had more apple and less teej I’d stop making a dogs breakfast of my life.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Well done for saving the cat @Teej ..... the cat lovers of the world thank you .....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It’s actually one of the cutest cats I’ve met @Faith-and-Hope He’s tiny and all soft grey and very affectionate. Good news is I was able to control my dog with voice commands which was good.

Back to the time difference it does often feel like another country over there with time.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Circumstances completely different. @Teej I have lots of me time, just one child at home, whereas you are still surrounded by big kids. Motherhood is one helluva tough gig.

Things are working a bit better for me personally now, but it has taken a long time. In that time often being totally loopy.

I believe it is the essence in a person that unfolds. Your time willl come.

I am in the middle of a concert week where I spend time in a sonic bath of wonderful passionate romantic music by Brahms and a lush Stabat Mater. I wish you could gain from the depth of feeling. You dig deep for your creative sides.

The role of the mother ...we need to care for mums ... Huh @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Youbetcha @Appleblossom .....

Shhhh .... you found my avatar @Teej ..... grey, affectionate ..... didn’t you recognise me in my cat form ....?

😄

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I think that is so much of it, finding oneself @Appleblossom. My sense of self is shakier than it’s ever been. I was way more confident over a year ago. Sorry alcohol is giving me confidence just now to write here.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Must have missed the blue rinse on the cat @Faith-and-Hope 😜.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Appleblossom have you ever pushed it with meds or alcohol before.

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